Create-a-Caption: Amateur chef Kobe Bryant has no idea what to do next

Listen, going to China isn't all about visiting your statue, doing cool handshakes and making grown men cry. It's also about immersing yourself in Chinese culture by throwing on a chef's hat, putting on a bad-ass T-shirt, strapping on a hot pepper apron and trying to make some ramen noodles, apparently. And that isn't always easy; sometimes you wind up staring into the middle distance, dough stretched between your hands and the Talking Heads pressed between your ears, wondering how it is possible to both strike with fury and find true inner peace. Being an international icon and amateur chef ain't all beer and Skittles, man.

What do you think's going through Kobe's head right here (besides "This is not my beautiful house," naturally)? Best caption wins a ramen vending machine (not really). Good luck.

In our last adventure: So this is what it sounds like when li'l Pelicans cry.

Winner, PK in HK: "If I pushed and pushed, with my eyebrows touch like yours, Mr. Davis?"

Runner-up, Jay Jordo: "Kid ... you take off those Charlotte Hornets Crocs right now."

Second runner-up, Dago: "It's OK, little guy. It was just a Dwightmare. You're safe now."

Hat-tips to China Navis and Shanghaiist.

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