Oh, you'll change your name, Deron Williams(notes). You'll change your name if that's what The Prokhorov wants you to do. He's dreamed of controlling the destiny of a man named Jack London since he bought every copy of "The Sea Wolf" that Moscow had to offer, and it seems unlikely that your simple "ability to exert free will, leave and play for another team" will stop him from imposing his simple "ability to bend the wills of men like so much melted nickel to get what he wants."
So practice that smile, fella. You're going to need it.
Best caption wins a nice London broil recipe. Good luck.
In our last adventure: Sometimes David West confuses "happy" with "megapooping."
Winner, dorfineer: "Ha-do-ken!"
Runner-up, The Football God: "I didn't go to Cleveland, I didn't go to Cleveland, I didn't go to Cleveland!"