Welcome to Warped Wednesday. On this, we'll put out the rush to judgment mat, go a little too far and have a little fun. Will it be funny? Sometimes. Will it be crazy and largely unbelievable? Probably. Will not everyone get it? Definitely.
Reacting to the penalties that NASCAR levied against the Penske teams on Wednesday, sources exclusive to Yahoo! Sports' Warped Wednesday have learned that all teams in the Sprint Cup Series garage are returning to stock car racing's roots.
Both Brad Keselowski and Joey Logano were docked 25 points and crew chiefs Paul Wolfe and Todd Gordon were, among others suspended for six races. The crew chiefs were fined $100,000 as well, all for the setups that the cars had in their rear end housings.
When NASCAR Vice President of Competition Robin Pemberton discussed the confiscation of parts from the Penske teams on Saturday, he said that what they had done to the backs of the cars was "not in the spirit" of NASCAR rules. There's no word if that spirit was holy or haunting the garage area, but one thing's for certain: no one wants to mess with these spirits again.
Frightened by the specter of losing crew chiefs and other key members, all 45 teams attempting Sunday's Cup race are preparing to show up at Kansas Speedway with factory made and driven-off-the-showroom-floor versions of the Chevrolet SS, Ford Fusion and Toyota Camry. One team even inquired about a Volkswagen Passat, but after being unsure of NASCAR's potential reaction, it decided against making the switch.
Because of this garage mutiny, NASCAR will not be in a position to hand out penalties, and the teams are prepared to tell NASCAR that this is, after all, the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, so if they can't race stock cars, what does NASCAR actually stand for?
Teams will have the option to purchase cars equipped with leather seats and satellite radios, and there is no restriction on engines. Some are opting for the V8 options for increased acceleration, but others are looking at the smallest engines possible for the best fuel economy possible given Kansas' history of fuel mileage races.
Yes fans, that means speeds will be down, but many in and around NASCAR have said that fans won't notice if the cars were slowed down 40 MPH or so. The pole record will certainly not be threatened this weekend, but in the name of rules abidance and fiscal responsibility, one team member told Warped Wednesday that this was a determination made in the best interests of the sport moving forward.
It's unclear how long this movement will last, though one prominent team owner said that it could be this way for the rest of 2013, and was already calling his fleet of cars that he purchased Wednesday morning the "Gen-7 car."