Welcome to Warped Wednesday. On this, we'll put out the rush to judgment mat, go a little too far and have a little fun. Will it be funny? Sometimes. Will it be crazy and largely unbelievable? Probably. Will not everyone get it? Definitely. That means this isn't real.
To celebrate Kentucky week and provide some pre-race entertainment for the fans who will be undoubtedly still stuck in the parking lot from the night before thanks to the unbearable traffic, NASCAR is planning a horse racing tribute at Kentucky Speedway.
The plan involves both drivers and crew chiefs, but some modifications will need to be made, because, well, do you really expect drivers to carry their crew chiefs on piggyback around a dirt track? (We'll leave the visuals to you.)
So instead of mimicking the type of thoroughbred racing that you typically see in the Kentucky Derby, the exhibition race will instead recreate the awesomeness that is harness racing.
Each driver will be harnessed to a sulky, where the crew chief will sit and command the race and be able to relay in-race adjustments to his driver. However, those adjustments won't be able to entail much other than "run faster!" or "pick this lane!" because each driver will obviously be running. No bicycles allowed; NASCAR sees this as a great opportunity to promote its drivers' athleticism. No word if wheelbarrow races will follow.
While the duo of Jimmie Johnson and Chad Knaus is favored (NASCAR has been instructed to inspect Chad's state of the art carbon-fiber sulky extra carefully) with Kasey Kahne and Kenny Francis a close second, don't count out Clint Bowyer and Brian Pattie. Sources close to Warped Wednesday say that Pattie has set up traps to try to get Jeff Gordon to trip and fall into Bowyer at some point before the race to properly enrage Bowyer and prepare him to run.