Hang on a second. It'll just be another minute. Gotta hug someone and make sure I don't trip on these stairs and… nope, still navigating these freaking tables.
OK seriously, Golden Globes: What was up with that ridiculous table maze? TV stars have always been given the shaft on the seating chart here, but this year seemed more insane than ever, especially with so many crossover stars, and even bigger names on TV in some categories.
OK, rant over, because I can't be too mad at the Globes after "Breaking Bad" finally got some wins! Granted, Aaron Paul was robbed (and even Jon Voight knows it), but wins for Bryan Cranston and the series solidified what we all know: That final season was the best TV of the year. Maybe the decade. "Yeah, bitch," indeed.
But host Amy Poehler winning for "Parks and Recreation" was huge — HUGE! — as was Andy Samberg's surprise win for "Brooklyn Nine-Nine." Yes, Poehler is the first Golden Globes host to ever win while hosting, but she also wins for best reaction. Kissing Bono after he massaged her during the nominee announcement was perfect and funny, and just what we'd expect (but never predict).
Fun fact: I think those wins just singlehandedly won more seasons for their shows.
(And that's an actual fun fact, not the E! red carpet kind.)
And if you're on the fence about Fox's "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," that Best Comedy Series win just got them a second season, too. Now's the time to start watching, I guess, if you haven't already! The fact that "Brooklyn" beat out last year's winner, "Girls," previous winner "Modern Family," one of the biggest shows on TV in "The Big Bang Theory," and "Parks and Rec," from "Brooklyn's" same creative team… wow. Didn’t see it coming at all.
Beyond these delightful surprises, there were two true shocks of the night: Jacqueline Bisset winning Best Supporting Actress for the Starz miniseries "Dancing on the Edge," and Jon Voight winning Best Supporting Actor for Showtime's "Ray Donovan."
This is where the Hollywood Foreign Press Association gets knocked, year after year. Both actors are well-respected: Bisset has been nominated five times, and this is her first win; and Voight has won five times before (with 11 total nominations), but his last win was in 1986 for "Runaway Train." Yes, they are great actors. No one is arguing that. But really?
Bisset beat out "Nashville's" Hayden Panettiere, "Parenthood's" Monica Potter, "Modern Family's" Sofia Vergara, and Janet McTeer for "The White Queen." There was no obvious top choice, really, but it definitely wasn't Bisset. (That said, her off-the-rails speech made us all winners.)
Voight… oh, Voight. Better than "Breaking Bad's" Aaron Paul, Corey Stoll for "House of Cards," "Behind the Candelabra's" Rob Lowe, and "The Good Wife's" Josh Charles? Nope. Not really.
The biggest takeaway for Globes of future times is that they still love to nominate newcomers — from Netflix series to badass nominees like "Scandal's" Kerry Washington and "Orphan Black's" Tatiana Maslany. Maybe there's more hope for them to win next year?
And maybe we can get Tina Fey and Amy Poehler back to host forever and ever?
We'll be hoping, crossing our fingers, and singing the Girl Scouts song with Diane Keaton until then!