Top O' The Order: We're not panicking here in Chicago, right?

Five quick links to start your day ...

1. Maybe it's because the Brewers have been almost just as bad, going 2-7 since the calendar flipped ...

... Or maybe it's because Baseball Prospectus still lists their odds of making the postseason at 98.7 percent.

... Or maybe it's because every team goes through a low point during the season and the Cubs hadn't really experienced one until now.

Whatever the reason, I've been able to remain remarkably calm as the Cubs have started September with a not-so-nice record of 1-6. As the great Walter Sobchak once said, "I'm calmer than you are."

But when I think about the possibility of Carlos Zambrano and Rich Harden sitting on the bench come October and Ted "I'm going to throw my glove down like Tanner Boyle if anything goes wrong" Lilly starting Game 2 of the NLDS?

Different story altogether. [Rumors and Rants]

2. A Busch Stadium tipster — OK, it was Jeff Passan — alerted me to the existence of these derogatory Zambrano t-shirts in St. Louis last night. They basically make those Fukudome shirts sold outside Wrigley look like they were made by Up With People. [Look At Me T-Shirts]

3. "If yous a Yank, yous a skank." Truer words have never been printed in magic marker on posterboard, my SoCal friend. [Halos Heaven]

4. Before everyone misspells Dustin Pedroia's name while scribbling it atop the AL MVP ballot, let's all take a minute to consider the candidacy of one Johnny Canuck (a.k.a. Justin Morneau) [B&C]

5. I tell you, that Ambiorix Burgos is a memory-making machine. Remember when the Mets traded Brian Bannister for him? Remember when he wouldn't pay his landlord? Remember when he had all that jewelry stolen from that hotel in spring training? Remember when he was arrested for allegedly throwing his girlfriend to the ground? This guy can't leave baseball fast enough. [Yahoo! Sports]

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