The latest in anonymous What's-A-Rod-Going-To-Do gossip comes from TMZ of all places — pause so you can roll your eyes — and is says that Alex Rodriguez plans to sue Major League Baseball in federal court if his 211-game suspension isn't "entirely lifted." Entirely, as in zero games, no suspension, keep playing and collect $31 million. Ummm, OK?
Citing "sources directly connected to A-Rod," TMZ writes:
The reason for A-Rod's bold demand — A-Rod sources familiar with the investigation tell us Alex hasn't tested positive and never "knowingly" used PEDs since 2003 ... the last season he admitted using 'roids. Our sources say A-Rod has been drug tested 11 times between 2011 and the present ... and all of the results were negative.
Our sources fume it's "absurd" Ryan Braun — who reportedly tested positive in 2011 and then lied about it — was only benched for the duration of this season. They say it proves MLB's investigation of A-Rod and the Biogenesis Clinic has been "abusive and borderline illegal."
According to our sources, Alex will sue for various things, including a violation of the Collective Bargaining Agreement between the players' union and the league.
This comes a day after a report said A-Rod hired a new shark of a criminal defense attorney named Joe Tacopina, who has a reputation for defending "any scumbag." He's a fixture on the TV talk-show circuit who comes to the rescue of people such as Joran van der Sloot and is supposedly going to start defending A-Rod to whomever will listen. Anybody else think feeding such an extreme demand to TMZ sounds like the first move from A-Rod's new pitbull?
This TMZ story comes a day after the New York Post's Page Six gossip columnists got the "exclusive" on the new lawyer story. Consider this a sure sign that A-Rodapalooza has reached a new level of ridiculousness. If the fight between the highest-paid baseball star in the world and the league that employs him is going to play out in places such as TMZ, the last few months are going to look like a children's book compared to the chaos that's ahead.
Rather than having to endure that, here's a proposal: Let's skip the federal courts and the arbitrators entirely. A-Rod and Bud Selig should just go sit in a window-less room, one on one with only a Domino's pizza between them — #poweredbypizza, right? — and not come out until they've reached an agreement. Or one of them has no arms.