The Nail in the Coffin: Your 2008 San Diego Padres

As teams fall by the wayside and can no longer bank on the longest of mathematical odds to win their division, the Stew will be there to document their expiration with The Nail in the Coffin. Eighth in the ground are the San Diego Padres, a crafty crew who avoided the grim reaper for quite a time despite owning one of the majors' worst records all season long. Let it be said that the NL West is a most excellent place for a bad team to survive.

Yet despite such forgiving surroundings, a miracle comeback is not happening for the woeful Padres. So it is with deep sorrow that we remember the '08 team with the official death notice below. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the Brian Giles' Catapault Fund, as it may be the only way they'll ever get him out of town in a trade for something valuable. As always, luncheon at Steve's Lounge to follow the service.

The 2008 San Diego Padres

Time of death: Sept. 9 after 6-2 loss to Dodgers

Causes: Could not replicate success of undefeated March (1-0); Believing Mark Prior was a realistic option for the rotation; going 22-34 over season's first two months, 3-5 in interleague play; Randy Wolf waiting until he got to Houston to start pitching well

PECOTA projection: 83 wins Current pace: 62

Moments in the Sun: Win 18-inning game against the Reds; Playboy bimbo Kendra tabs Padres as preseason World Series pick; Beach bums entertain fellow fans by evading security; Paul DePodesta starts momentary blog nerd riot by starting up his own blog

Moments of Despair: Jake Peavy made to wash hands; White Sox, Reds hone in on camouflage jersey action; Albert Pujols rearranges Chris Young's face; Brian Giles clears waivers, refuses to leave San Diego

Others remember: "I've entered a spiral of frustration with this team, which is probably why I haven't posted much recently. My frustration stems from the growing suspicion that the front office had to know that this wasn't going to be that competitive of a team. I know it's been hashed and rehashed, but there were so many gambles going into this season, I wouldn't be surprised if (Kevin Towers) scored himself free meals at the buffet for the year." — jbox, Gaslamp Ball, 09.10.08

Death watch (w/elimination #s): Kansas City (E), Texas (E), Detroit (6)