This and every weekday a.m., let's rise and shine together, even on short rest, because we were up late following the Twins-Angels game, which happens to be where Today's Roll Call leads off.
Game of the Day: Twins 2, Angels 1 (12 inn.)
Sweet hitchhikers: The Runaways start their big, bad road trip with an emotionally draining (I'm guessing — I'm safe on a couch somewhere inside the Central timezone — victory. Nick Punto and Denard Span (these names have to be made-up) combined to break a 1-all tie. Punto drove a triple off the glove of Torii Hunter and Span singled home Punto. Not exactly a two-run homer by Tom Brunansky, but whatever works.
The Energizer Piranhas: The Twins, they're like the guys chasing Butch and Sundance or, keeping with the Western motif, Mongo from Blazing Saddles. "Don't shoot them; it'll only make 'em mad." They lose Santana, they lose Hunter, they lose Hrbek, they lose Gaetti, they lose Puckett, they lose Bob Allison, they lose Harmon Killebrew, and they still win.
Red Rum v2.0: With a few good sticks in the lineup and a bunch of pitchers nobody's ever heard of, these Twins have 2007 Rockies written all over them. Seriously, Joe Mauer spent three hours trying to get "Yorvit Torrealba," which someone had scrawled with a Sharpie, wiped from his forehead.
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Feelin' Rundown (the balance of Thursday's theater of the ball):
D-backs 4, Padres 1: Brandon Webb wins his 19th, and all he can do is show off a bruise he got from a line drive off his chest. "When we came inside, I said, 'I'm going to take my shirt off and give everybody high-fives,' " Webb said. "That was a good show." Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Dodgers 3, Rockies 1: Ten wins for Derek Lowe, to go with 10 losses. Ten saves for Jonathan Broxton. Ten homers for James Bull Loney. Coincidence? Were Jack the Ripper and the Loch Ness Monster, in fact, the same person? Did I take this job for a quick buck?
Cubs 3, Reds 2: Carlos Zambrano talks to himself so much about hitting his 16th career home run and picking up his 13th victory, he cracks one of his teeth. Carlos — to paraphrase yourself — without a dentist, your mouth is going to be screwed. Just don't call him Brian "Molar." See, because molar = tooth, and Brian Moehler is a pitcher, too, and Moehler and molar sound alike. Shut up, Dave. Oh, just one more thing: Joey Votto has 15 homers. SEVEN against the Cubs. I crap you negative.
Mets 5, Braves 4: 1999 called, just to check on Carlos Delgado and Mike Hampton. Wasn't that nice? Well, here's the report: Carlos had five hits, including the game-ending single in the ninth, and Hampton pitched effectively for six innings for the Braves. Unfortunately, '99 hung up before we could tell her that Y2K was a false alarm and that *NSYNC was going to break up. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye.
Nationals 4, Phillies 3: At least the Phillies fans are frontrunners, J-Roll. After snapping the Gnats' 12-game losing streak, the Phillies themselves are 2 1/2 games behind the frontrunners in the NL East. Oh, what a burn!
Giants 4, Marlins 3: As Babe Winkelman or Jimmy Houston-Outdoors would tell you if this were a bait 'n' tackle blog, there's only so much flopping around on the deck a fish can do before you gotta fillet it.
Indians 10, Royals 3: Cliff Lee is 18-2 and is obviously enjoying his remarkable season. "I'm focused on my next start," Lee said. "It's against Detroit (next Tuesday). That's where my focus is." OK, just back away from Cliff and ... let's see what Grady Sizemore has to say. Grady had seven RBI today. Hi, Grady! How's it going? "Every day is different," Sizemore said. OK, back to you in the studio!
Blue Jays 14, Yankees 3: This historic franchise is home to 26 World Series championships. Tonight, we've secretly switched the Yankees with their Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Triple-A club. Let's see if these coffee drinkers can taste the Folgers difference.
Athletics 2, Mariners 0: Sean Gallagher beats Rich Harden to the disabled list. You gotta love the irony/coincidence/onomatopoeia. On a good note, Greg Smith's had some nice outings this year, and Brad Ziegler's ERA needs to eat a sandwich.
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Photo of the Day: "Buck Weaver's innocent!"
Cubs fan/sheriff/film actor John Cusack (that's actually him on the left), along with Pissed-Off Billy Bob Thornton; Chubby and Hair-Receding Edgar Martinez; Big-Nosed Rob Neyer; Adolescent 'n' Huge-Headed Viggo Mortensen and Emaciated Former President Jimmy Carter, all urge Carlos Zambrano to floss more between meals.
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Sizemore (Indians) 4-5, HR, SB, 7 RBI!
Zambrano (Cub) 7 IP, 6 H, ER, 4 BB, 4 K, Win; HR
Joe Inglett (Jays) 4-5, 3 R
Marco Scutaro (Jays) 4-6, 3 R, HR, 4 RBI
Delgado (Mets, '98 Jays) 5-5, 3 RBI
Webb (D-backs) 7 IP, 3 H, 3 BB, 8 K, Win
Scott Baker (Twins) 8 IP, 4 H, ER, 2 BB, 6 K
John Lackey (Angels) 8 IP, 5 H, ER, 2 BB, 6 K
Joe Nathan (Twins) IP, 2 K, Save (No. 35), 0.98 ERA
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Sir Sidney Ponson (Aruba, Aruba, Aruba!) 2 IP, 8 H, 7 ER, BB, Loss
Garret Anderson (Angels) 0-5, 3 K
Cusack (Must Love Dogs, 1408, Runaway Jury) 0-3, 3 K
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Words of Mouth
"How many did they end up with? I don't even know." — Derek Jeter, asking about how many homes John McCain owns runs the Blue Jays scored.