This and every weekday a.m. let's rise and shine together with the most recent and decent major league happenings. Today's Roll Call starts near the butt of Milwaukee Brewers general manager, Mr. Doug Melvin who, the Journal-Sentinel reports, has put his keister on the line by apparently pulling off the blockbuster trade of the season — adding non-vegetarian C.C. Sabathia to the NL Central race.
Game of the Day: Brewers 11, Pirates 6
Wisconsin weekend!: What a few days for the Brewers. A sweep of the Pirates (common, but better than an alternative). Ryan Braun sneaks past Ken Griffey and joins the All-Star team. And, on Sunday night, Melvin reportedly worked a deal for Sabathia, the kind of guy who could mean the difference between the Brewers making the playoffs and hangin' with Lenny and Squiggy in early October.
Member of the Tribe: The key guy in the deal for Cleveland is Matt LaPorta, who has been described as "like Ryan Braun with more power, only more selective, slower and probably not Jewish." Hey, nobody's perfect.
Kryptonite: There apparently was nothing Cubs GM Hendry could do to block this. The Cubs, who could use an ace lefty almost as much as the Brau Crau, don't have a Matt LaPorta to give. Waiver claim was impossible. Pulling a fire alarm only would have delayed it — and it's so ninth grade. Intercepting Sabathia and locking him in a Gino's East pizzeria might have meant a missed start, tops. Doing likewise and building an elaborate "Truman Show"-like set might have kept C.C. out of the pennant race for 20 years but it would have cost as much as signing him in the off-season. No, simply trading for A.J. Burnett is probably be the best fix.
Endgame: Milwaukee also could use another reliever, preferably at the end of the bullpen so the other guys could get back to their God-intended roles. Huston Street, maybe. B.J. Ryan. B.J. and the Bear.
Feeling Rundown (Sunday's other action):
Cubs 7, Cardinals 1 — The Jim Edmonds-Tony La Russa tiff was both the stupidest misunderstanding since the Spanish-American War and another bit of great gamesmanship by La Russa to get Edmonds off his game. It worked: Edmonds was 0-for-7 with four Ks in the series. Edmonds' restaurant/nightclub in St. Louis is called F15teen. It's pronounced "15" but it looks like a spam header or a keyboard command. "F-15 Teen?" Kids who fly jets? Maybe he came up with it in the midst of post-concussion syndrome. One-ders/Wonders.
Reds 6, Nationals 5 — Gnats manager Manny Acta: "We should have won the game." OK, everyone. Add a new column to your standings page. "SHW" for "Should Have Won." Please mark Washington 35-55 instead of 34-56. Wait, Acta's got something else: "We caught Volquez on one of his bad days. We should have scored eight runs against him." Oh, for crying out loud. OK, everyone. Add a new column to Edinson Volquez's statistics. "SBERA" for "Should Be ERA." Please mark him 2.77 instead of 2.36. Anything else, Manny? OK, he's gone.
Mets 4, Phillies 2 (12 inn.) — Johan still might be the third-best Santana right now, but why is Billy "Two-Run Score-Tying Home Run in the Ninth - Again" Wagner going to the All-Star Game instead? Just to prove that this is not an internal Mets thing, Santana's also having a better year than Brandon Webb, who is starting the game for the NL. And Cole Hamels being left off the roster is history's biggest omission since Hilary Swank forgot to thank Chad Lowe at the Oscars.
Yankees 5, Red Sox 4 (10 inn.) - Couple of has-beens goin' at it. Sad, really.
White Sox 4, Athletics 3 — Justin Duchscherererererer sure has a chip on his shoulder about scouts: "I think there are some stereotypes in baseball that need to be broken through. I think, if you get people out, you get people out. Pitching isn't about throwing 100. Greg Maddux didn't throw 100 and he's one of the best pitchers of all time. Sometimes scouts will maybe use a radar gun to dictate what they think about a guy when they should sit and watch the game." You tell 'em, All-Star.
Dodgers 5, Giants 3 — The NL West pennant race is like when Scooby Doo (Dodgers) and Shaggy (D-backs) slowly back into each other in the middle of the dimly lit haunted house. Once they collide, hilarity will ensue.
Braves 7, Astros 6 (17 inn) - Not the 2005 NLDS game that lasted 18 innings, but a pretty good grind on its own. My favorite batting line, other than Chipper (3-for-5, HR, 4 BB, .388 BA) goes to Yunel Escobar: 4-for-9. If you ever wanted to play for the Braves, this might be your shot. Bobby Cox said that Jeff Bennett, Manny Acosta and Omar Infante all are going on the DL today.
Angels 7, Blue Jays 1 — Who are the lackeys who left Lackey off the AL All-Star squad?
Rangers 11, Orioles 10 — If he's good enough to hang around that long, I'll think of Elizabeth Taylor every time Radhames Liz pitches the next 15 years. Which Liz will you think of Taylor? Hurley? Windsor? Shue? Claiborne? Hasselbeck?
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Photo of the Day: Highest-paid grounds crew ever
"Dude, sweet ride ... Oh, dude ... you're hurt. Dude?"
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Kevin Millar (Orioles) 4-4, HR, 2 R
Ty Wigginton (Astros) 3-8, HR, 4 RBI
Oliver Perez (Mets) 7 IP, 4 H, 2 BB, 6 K
John Danks (White Sox) 6 2/3 IP, 4 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 9 K, Win
J.J. Hardy (Brewers) 3-4, 2 HR, 4 RBI
Ross (Marlins) 3-5, HR, 5 RBI
Aaron Cook (Rockies) 7 1/3 IP, 11 H, 7 ER, 2 BB, 5 K, Loss
Sean Marshall (Can't believe it either) 6 IP, 6 H, ER, BB, 4 K, Win
Jon Garland (Angels) 9 IP, 6 H, ER, 3 K, Win
Unit (D-backs) 6 1/3 IP, 3 H, ER, 10 K, Win #289
Nate Robertson (Tigers) 9 IP, 4 H, ER, 2 BB, K
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Richie Sexson (Mariners) 0-6
Edgar Renteria (Tigers) 0-7
Luke Hochevar (Royals) 6 IP, 9 H, 7 ER, BB, K, Loss
The Duke Boy (Hazzard) 2 1/3 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 3 BB, K, Loss
Uncle Jesse Litsch (Blue Jays) 5 1/3 IP, 8 H, 6 ER, BB, 2 K, Loss
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Words of Mouth
"When you're hot, you're hot." — Ross