As The Stew showed earlier on Thursday with the Mookie Betts' first home run post, the Boston Red Sox need all of the distractions they can muster right now, because the team is playing terribly. They lost 16-9 to the Chicago Cubs on Wednesday night, getting swept at Fenway Park and falling perilously close to last place in the American League East.
Enter the team's beloved broadcasters, Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy, who spent a good portion of the fourth inning talking about what to do with one of Remy's teeth, which he lost at some point during the game. There must have been pearl-clutching curmudgeons falling on their fainting couches out there who found their antics unprofessional, obnoxious and even gross — but Remy and Orsillo also made for what had to be one of the more memorable baseball broadcasts ever. The Red Sox were trailing by two runs at the time and, probably, weren't about to get any closer, so why not?
Not just chattering about the chomper, the Red Sox duo used it as a prop, holding up the diseased cap with its stained post attached, trying to re-insert it in Remy's mouth using a variety of household tools — a hammer, pliers, a drill — in a unique TV moment.
The condensed conversation:
Orsillo: "You've lost a lot of stuff during games, but you've never lost a tooth. Which tooth is it? Is it something up front, I hope?"
Remy: "I think it's a cap because it's got a nail in it."
Orsillo: "Can't you get some glue or something?"
Remy: "I'm not a dentist. Tomorrow's an off-day. I can probably just get it taken-care of, right?"
Orsillo: "I'd just go with it. I wouldn't waste on off-day on a tooth."
Remy: "The truck is trying to tell me to put it under my pillow and see what happens."
Orsillo: "The way it looks to me, you should try to put it back in. I think it should just pop back in again. It's a nail."
Remy: (Trying to jam tooth in) "It's not going to go back in."
Orsillo: "Let me do it!"
Remy: "You're not going in my mouth, no. No, no, no."
Orsillo: "Just lay back. I'm going to get a hammer. A couple tools... Pitch outside to Mike Olt."
Remy: "What am I supposed to do with it? Just carry it around? It doesn't look very good."
Orsillo: "It could use... some cleaning. [Laughs uproariously.]
[Mike Olt of the Cubs hits a home run, and Orsillo calls it as if nothing has been going on with Remy's tooth. Moments later...]
Orsillo: "I still want a shot to put your tooth back in."
Remy: "You're not getting near the tooth."
Remy relented, and Orsillo playfully tried to replace the tooth with a variety of tools.
Every team plays 162 games in the regular season, and the Red Sox will be lucky to win half of theirs. This is what savvy broadcasters do in disastrous situations. They make lemonade out of the lemons.
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