Gio Gonzalez: ‘I felt like I was making love to my hand’

David Brown
Big League Stew

Are you not entertained by left-hander Gio Gonzalez of the Washington Nationals? If it's not because of his pitching, it's his personality that makes Gonzalez one of the must-watch, must-listen-to guys in Major League Baseball.

The Stew featured Gonzalez's notable postgame quote from Wednesday in the Juice this morning, but it's so good, it deserves another look. It was cold in D.C. last night and Gonzalez had some trouble getting a grip on his pitches — although you'd never know it from the outcome, a 3-0 Nats victory against the Marlins. Not only did he shut down the Fish with his arm, but Gonzalez also hit a home run. It was a positively Kershawian performance. No matter, it was hard out there for a pitcher, and Gonzalez tried to make everyone understand by making a provocative analogy to broadcaster Bob Carpenter of MASN:

Carpenter: "How were you feeling with the hook on a night when it's tough to have a touch pitch like that?"

Gio: "It was definitely difficult, especially with this cold weather. It was tough to get a grip. I felt like I was making love to my hand. Just one of those things where I was constantly trying to find some grip some how, some way — the rosin bag, whatever, licking the fingers, but it felt good after that."

So sensual! Does Gio only have spousal relations in frigid meat lockers? Should we have put a NSFW tag on this story? It should be noted that Nationals Park simulcast the interview over the ballpark loudspeakers — although it didn't appear there were too many fans hanging around to listen. No matter, cover junior's ears, mom!

Earlier in the interview (watch the entire thing on MASN here), Gonzalez described what sounds like a migraine headache:

"My head started feeling like it was getting nailed right in there with freaking sledgehammers."

Hilariously put, if not sexy, right? But isn't Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" also about sex? Furthermore, Gonzalez referenced an athletic trainer trying to relieve the pain in his head by "massaging it, massaging it," and how "He's got the lucky fingers right now."

Anybody else need a cigarette?

What's also funny is, either the Nats broadcasters weren't listening closely (or else they were) and neither engaged Gonzalez regarding his "making love" comment. Was it best to leave it there? I'm curious as to what Gio would say in a follow-up.

The Nats haven't allowed a run yet, by the way, so right-hander Jordan Zimmermann has a tough act to follow in the series finale. During the game, and after.

Big BLS H/N: Nats Enquirer

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