Darwin Barney ‘Goldfinger’ bobblehead doll on Chicago Cubs giveaway schedule

David Brown
Big League Stew

I've got some questions about these bobblehead dolls of Darwin Barney, the Gold Glove-winning infielder of the Chicago Cubs, which will be given away at Wrigley Field on June 1. Of the 10,000 dolls made, 1,000 of them will be gold!

• The gold ones. Are they really milk chocolate underneath? Should lucky fans rip off the head and try to eat it?

• Didn't anyone consider that, by covering Darwin Barney in gold paint, he would suffocate just like the lady in Ian Fleming's James Bond's "Goldfinger"?

• Did Notre Dame sympathizer Jeff Samardzija help Rudy from "Rudy" sneak into Wrigley Field at night and spray gold paint over the select Darwin Barneys in hopes that someday Theo Epstein will let him play for the Cubs?

• Why didn't the Cubs plan a bobblehead doll that was a chimera of Darwin Barney, Charles Darwin and Barney the Dinosaur? Because THAT would have been an epic bobblehead. It also could have been covered in gold and made of chocolate.

• Where is the bobblehead doll of Alfonso Soriano that's so expensive nobody will trade for it even in the two last years of its contract?

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