Carl Crawford for Hanley Ramirez and Heath Bell? Relax, the rumor is already dead

Kevin Kaduk
Big League Stew

"MEGA PROPOSAL: Carl Crawford to Miami for Hanley Ramirez + Heath Bell" read the tweet and it appeared as if someone at USA Today had spent a lunch hour coming up with sexy click-attracting trades that had no chance of happening.

[Video: Brett Lawrie sacrifices body for amazing dive into camera well]

But no! Clicking on the link (they got me!) revealed Bob Nightengale reporting that someone at Marlins Park had spent a few lunch hours coming up with a sexy blockbuster trade that would be good for premium cable. The swap would feature three huge contracts worth a total of $239 million and seemed so plausible to the Marlins that they even sent vice president Dan Jennings to Boston so he could scout Crawford in person.

Alas, it takes two to tango and Nightengale quoted Red Sox GM Ben Cherington as saying they had no plans to trade Crawford for anyone, much less for a third baseman who might lose all will to live if separated from best bud Jose Reyes and an overweight former closer carrying some of the worst paper (three years, $27 million) in the league. (You'd think the Marlins would know Boston just learned its lesson after cutting Bobby Jenks.)

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At any rate, ESPN's Buster Olney came along a few minutes later and stripped any hope that Nightengale's report might have kindled among the handful of people "The Franchise" producers who would have been jazzed to see this deal get done. In a sign of the times, the entire storyline played out on Twitter in less time than it took me to visit my mailbox and throw away my just-delivered copy of Rolling Stone with Justin Bieber on the cover. (Seriously, Jann? Again?)

We now return you to your previously stagnant trade market.

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