Dear Brian Wilson:
I'm not one of those people upset that you've joined the Los Angeles Dodgers, the bitter rival of the team you had previously spent your whole career with, the San Francisco Giants. I'm also not one of those people who thinks a man should be required to shave. If you want to grow something on your face that requires its own zip code, hey dude, go for it.
But, Mr. Fear the Beard, I'm afraid we do need to talk about something. And I'm afraid you might not like it. We need to have a beardervention.
I've been watching you in the minor leagues lately and I'm happy to see that you're hanging out with the big club now and close to being activated. Maybe as soon as this weekend. Welcome back. You're a character baseball needs.
But you know what we don't need in baseball? Beard ponytails.
The beard ponytail or beard rat tail (or whatever you want to call it) that you've been rockin' while playing for the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes needs to go away.
Beard ponytails are for pirates, extreme hipsters, old dudes who have lost all sense of what's acceptable to wear outside and people who are too stoned to know better.
Brian, I'm someone who once believed you had the best beard in baseball and I'm rooting for you to reclaim that title. But I'll say this: I doubt we'd see Jayson Werth wearing a beard ponytail.