Here at Big League Stew, we are dedicated to bringing you only the most important and distinguished baseball news. As such, we are pleased to bring you Beard Watch 2014, chronicling baseball's growing (get it?) beard population.
Mike Napoli, beard cop.
After the bearded brothers of the Boston Red Sox mustered together their whisker power and won a World Series, Napoli has decided that he's fit to judge the beards of others. See what happens when you get a fancy right? Specifically, Napoli dissed the beard of Texas Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus.
Now, Napoli used to play with Andrus on the Rangers in 2011 and 2012, so this could be some ribbing between pals. We'll see. Here's a Beard Watch report on the hairy situation.
Harsh words: "Elvis' beard is terrible, by the way," Napoli told KRLD-FM. "Horrendous. He cuts half of his chin off, too I was just up there getting on him about it. Yeah it’s terrible. He looks like Abe Lincoln ... He has to cut that thing off. It’s so bad, it’s almost embarrassing ... I can’t even look at him it’s so bad."
Here's a closer look at Andrus' beard:
The upshot: A beard war may be brewing. The Rangers are in Boston for two more games against the Red Sox on Tuesday and Wednesday. We'll see if this war of the beard words becomes something more tangible. Or if Andrus laughs off the criticism from his ex-teammate. Or shows up shaved and shamed.
Midseason outlook: The Rangers and Red Sox meet once more this season, in Arlington, May 9-11. What could happen in a month? Well, lots. Jonny Gomes' could channel his beardedness of last year and combine with Napoli and other Red Sox to snip Andrus' beard during a covert late-night mission. Or, the Rangers could all grow beards in solidarity to Andrus (let's imagine Yu Darvish with a shaggy beard, eww) and plot revenge against Napoli and the Red Sox.
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