Alfonso Soriano's truck is not what you'd call 'understated'

I'm probably not the best person to speak out against frivolously spending money.

For example, if I were to ever win the lottery, I'd immediately install a food court featuring a Panda Express, a Five Guys and one of those Great Steak & Potato Company into my new mansion.

I'd rip out all the stairs and replace them with escalators and firemen's poles.

I'd hire Spike Jonze to film me and my friends recreating the Beastie Boys' Sabotage and Fatboy Slim's Praise You.

I'd commission a crown made of ballpark pretzels with peanuts as the jewels.

All that said, I still think these pictures of Alfonso Soriano's garish blue H2 via Home Run Derby) might be the owners' single biggest defense if it was discovered they were colluding on salaries. The Cubs hand Soriano an eight-year, $136 million contract and he spends it on a toy truck packed with a sound system capable of smoking out Noriega?

To channel my inner Jim Halpert, that's simply déclassé.

Follow the jump for another shot of Alfie's Abt-equipped ride: