Tiger Woods mistress #1 Rachel Uchitel speaks, says plenty

Remember where we all were about this time last year? Tiger Woods had just won the Australian Masters and was sporting that classy yellow jacket, looking more like he wanted to show us some homes for sale than beat us in golf. And the words "fire hydrant" and "National Enquirer" had no more relevance to his life than, say, "bullfrog" or "jambalaya."

Oh, how times change. A lady named Rachel Uchitel decided to spill about Woods' "transgressions," and everything suddenly went straight to hell. But for the most part, Uchitel remained silent ... until now.

In a far-reaching interview with The Daily Mail, Uchitel spills about everything, from her upbringing to the tragedy she says defined her to her take on the attractiveness (or lack thereof) of Woods' other ladies.

And as for the angle the paper brings to Ms. Uchitel, one sentence should give you the proper key: "But for the past 12 months, as Tiger has tried to piece together the wreckage of his life, Rachel, too, has had to face her demons." Oh boy. Here we go.

Among the revelations/updates in the Daily Mail article:

• Uchitel's fiance died in the 9/11 attacks, and she was pictured grieving on the front page of the New York Post. The Daily Mail suggests that she's been "trying to fill the void left in her life with a series of affairs with unsuitable men -- of which her doomed love affair with Tiger Woods is just one." She considers herself a "love addict."

• She is, uh, well-manufactured: "In person, Rachel is tiny. Like so many women in Los Angeles, she has generously proportioned artificial breasts, plumped-up lips and a body kept whippet-thin with daily two-hour sessions in the gym."

• She claims quite the family history, with the proverbial grandfather who "came to this country with nothing and built a fortune."

• After grieving for her lost fiance, she moved to Vegas, where she became head of VIP relations at several major casinos. "I still have my little black book, and it has 5,000 men in there who are pretty much the men who run the world," she claims.

• She met Tiger while in Vegas, and although she refuses to discuss details of their relationship or whether any payoff for her silence occurred, the Daily Mail notes that she recently bought a $3.2 million Manhattan apartment.

• Oh, and she doesn't much care for Tiger's other women. When told she's prettier than the rest of them, she laughed, "It's hard not to be." When talking of one, she said, "The poor girl had a tooth missing. Honestly! She was toothless!"

So there you have it. Tragic figure, victim of circumstance or conniver? Everybody's going to have a different take. We probably can guess what Woods' is.

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