Tiger Woods: Hey, Westy.
Lee Westwood: Tiger. How're yeh?
Tiger Woods: Doing fine. Yourself?
Lee Westwood: Oh, pretty good, now that I'm No. 1 and all.
Lee Westwood: Whoops. Did I hit a nerve?
Tiger Woods: ... arm yourself, sir.
Lee Westwood: Arm myself? What?
Tiger Woods: Prepare for battle!
And soon ...
Tim Finchem, Nike, et. al: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
... and scene. Good night, everybody!
Hey, you can't blame us for trying to inject a little drama into this whole new-No.-1 thing. These guys aren't doing it themselves. Need proof? Check out this account of what happened when the two really met on the driving range at Sheshan International on Wednesday:
Westwood was quietly hitting wedges and Woods was quickly approaching from the putting green.
"Westy... Billy," Woods said to the new No 1 and his caddie, Billy Foster. Woods never stopped walking. "Tiger," Westwood responded, turning his head briefly before settling over his next shot.
Wow! Can you feel the tension? Yeah, me neither. Come on, guys! Let's have a little better trash talk than that! At least actually try to draw some blood with those blades, don't just grin at each other!
Sometimes, golf needs a little kick in the khaki pants, know what I mean?