OK, we're calling for an immediate suspension of all updates on the ambulatory status of Carlos Beltran(notes). There hasn't been a meaningful piece of information released this season, yet there's no shortage of player notes. It's nonsense like this…
Mon, May 10 — Beltran may be given clearance for light jogging this week, but won't be running full throttle, a team source told ESPN New York.
Recommendation: The source indicated the knee brace being worn by Beltran is helping. There still is no timeframe for Beltran's return and the All-Star break seems to be a best case scenario.
Thanks, unnamed team source. Beltran might soon be cleared to jog, lightly. Got it. The early morning mall-walking has clearly paid off.
Please, New York press, no more updates until he can RUN LIKE A $119 MILLION OUTFIELDER. Beltran has been idle for so long that none of us even remember what was wrong. He's like a name from another era. If you get him confused with Carlos Baerga or Rigo Beltran or Carlos May, no one can blame you.
Effective immediately, this blog will no longer discuss Beltran until he's cleared to play baseball at some professional level. All commenters who mention him will be suspended without pay. Thank you in advance for observing the new rules; you'll receive an updated copy of the user agreement by mail.
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