Just to be clear, in the context of the All-Turkey fantasy team, being a turkey is a bad thing.
We're not referring to the sort of turkey 'round which families gather in the spirit of thankfulness and fellowship. Instead, we're referring to what Jim Harbaugh might call, "Gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from funk-jive turkey gobblers."
Got it? Great.
With that resolved, the Yahoo! fantasy staff is now prepared to talk turkey...
Who is your All-Turkey Team QB nominee?
Brandon — PHILIP RIVERS. If this was a "Give thanks" list, I'd list Rivers here for the fact that I'm so thankful I don't own him. He's barely inside the top 20 QBs in fantasy points per game, despite arguably the easiest fantasy schedule for a QB to date. And there's really nothing more painful than watching the on-field histrionic routine that Rivers goes through on a weekly basis.
Scott — It's a world of ELI MANNING excuse makers, and I'm not sure when they'll decide to accept reality. Kid Manning is 21st at his position in fantasy points, gamers (even behind the Fitzpatrick, Vick, Rivers and Bradford quartet). The Hakeem Nicks injury plays into it, sure, but for the first time in several seasons Manning is a minus player.
Brad — MATTHEW STAFFORD. Amazingly, he's on pace to throw more passes than his record-setting 663 attempts last year, but the production yield has been far from bountiful. His 22.5 per game average, though the 10th-best among signal callers, and disappearing act in quarters 1-3 are a tad bit maddening.
Andy — CAM NEWTON, no question. He's given us middle-tier production at a top-tier price, which is always a killer in fantasy. This year's rushing stats haven't been enough to cover for Cam's weaknesses as a passer.
[Related: The 2012 All-Thanks team]
Dalton — I fully expected CAM NEWTON to be much better during his sophomore campaign. I'm not surprised his rushing TDs have regressed, but how does he have a 9:10 TD:INT ratio while getting 8.0 YPA? Despite being the best goal-line runner in the NFL last season, Newton has struggled mightily in the red zone this year.
Who is your All-Turkey Team RB nominee?
Brandon — JONATHAN STEWART. I drafted him as my No. 3 RB on almost all my fantasy teams. I was feeling the breakout. I was so wrong. J-Stew has yet to top 80 yards from scrimmage in a game, and has just two touchdowns, making my life during the bye weeks very, very frustrating.
Scott — This award should belong to RYAN MATHEWS and DAREN McFADDEN every year. I will not pick between them, I will not break the tie. That's like trying to decide which Simpsons Aunt is the creepiest. DMC doesn't get a free pass from his injury; he has no idea what he's doing in the zone-blocking scheme.
Brad — RYAN MATHEWS. I feel like a lover scorned. My Most Valuable Crush selection preseason has failed to live up to the hype. Still feel he possesses the talents to be an All-World rusher, but his susceptibility to nicks and scrapes and Norv's nonsense (Jackie Battle? Ronnie Brown? Really?) have stunted his statistical growth. Owning him in every league imaginable has been a "wonderful" experience. Please, fire Norv.
Andy — RYAN MATHEWS. Is there any other reasonable choice here? Mathews should get 100 percent of the vote. This dude was an early first-rounder who injured himself on his first preseason carry, then fumbled away the centerpiece role in his team's offense. There is no turkier turkey.
Dalton — It's RYAN MATHEWS. The biggest worry entering the year was his inability to stay healthy, but he's mostly avoided injury and has gotten only 4.1 YPC with just one touchdown this season, as he's managed to disappoint on the field, which was unexpected.
Who is your All-Turkey Team WR nominee?
Brandon — PIERRE GARCON. Like Stewart, Garcon found his way onto most of my teams. And I felt very good about that after the first half quarter of the first game of the season. Then a foot injury took all that optimism and defecated on it. Of course, it would have been manageable if the injury was such that we knew he'd definitely be out for a set period of time. But, instead, he's flirted with a questionable tag most of the year, making it tough for his owners to move on. I finally did a few weeks ago, and I'm not looking back.
Scott — BRANDON LLOYD is supposed to know the Josh McDaniels offense like the back of his hand. Are we certain Lloyd didn't have a hand replacement surgery during the summer? Tom Brady and Lloyd haven't been on the same page all season. Don't look back, 85; Julian Edelman is gaining on you.
Brad — LARRY FITZGERALD. Speaking as a heavy Fitz investor in a couple hometown leagues, I never previously contemplated benching the exceedingly talented receiver, but this year he's rode the pine on numerous occasions. Of course it's no fault of Fitz's. Arizona's laughable stock of quarterbacks and sieve of an offensive line continue to keep the wideout under wraps. His 8.4 per game average in standard leagues would be the second-lowest of his career. Come on down, Michael Vick.
Andy — KENNY BRITT. Yeah, sure, he's recovering from a devastating knee injury. But other members of the ACL club are doing just fine. Britt hasn't exactly maximized his opportunities this season.
Dalton — There are a lot of options here, but I'll go with PIERRE GARCON, who looked impressive (and was heavily targeted) during the preseason and immediately caught an 88-yard touchdown in the first quarter of Week 1 (the play in which he was injured). I don't normally like to name injured players as "turkeys," but Garcon's questionable status cost a roster spot for a long time, especially with RG3 blowing up. The patience apparently wasn't worth the wait.
Who is your All-Turkey Team TE nominee?
Brandon — ANTONIO GATES. To quote Vizzini from Princess Bride, "You were supposed to be this colossus, you were this great legendary thing…" Yeah, I bought the preseason hype on Gates, the reports that he was having his best, and healthiest, training camp in years. What I got for my money was Gates' lowest per-game fantasy output since his rookie season.
Scott — JERMICHAEL FINLEY dropped 147 passes (estimated) through the first nine games, then busted out in Week 11 - much too late to help the reasonable owners who moved on. I demand to see Finley vs. Brandon Pettigrew in a network-sponsored drop-off sometime this spring.
Brad — FRED DAVIS. Another heavy investment that forced my fantasy persona to work the street corner for extra cash, Davis, on injured reserve with a torn Achilles, barely registered a blip when healthy. With only two 5-catch games and zero touchdowns, he's a deserving Butterball.
Andy — BRANDON PETTIGREW. At the moment, he's fourth at his position in targets, yet just 18th in fantasy scoring. That ain't easy to pull off.
Dalton — AARON HERNANDEZ, whom I thought was going to be on par with Rob Gronkowski this season after looking at last year's RZ and GL targets. But Hernandez is clearly someone who needs to be considered an injury risk moving forward. Having said that, for the rest of 2012, Hernandez is obviously the more desirable player after Gronk's recent injury.
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