England manager Roy Hodgson revealed that Raheem Sterling asked to sit out the team's 1-0 win against Estonia because he was feeling tired. This has made the 19-year-old a target for derision and abuse in certain quarters as some England fans and pundits believe that people who make a career out of physical exertion should be incapable of wearing down, that monetary wealth is a natural inhibitor for exhaustion, and that only people with circumstances approved by the International Board of Hardships are allowed to ever feel anything other than perfect.
But this isn't the only slap in the face to people who hold others to impossible standards that they would never consider applying to themselves perpetrated by Sterling. The following is a list of Sterling's flaws that are definitely worthy of his critics' impotent scorn.
-He isn't a cyborg. A 19-year-old who is truly committed to his profession would have undergone a fictional transformation to become a cyborg so he could never tire, have laser vision and score goals with a hydraulic cannon leg. But no. Raheem Sterling maintains the same human body with which he was born, demonstrating his troubling lack of commitment and vision for a future dominated by cyborg footballers from Iceland.
-He needs food to give him the energy to play instead of powering himself entirely with his love of the game. And he doesn't just eat once a day — he requires three meals every single day like some kind of glutton for sustenance. Fact: The human body can go more than three weeks without food. Gandhi probably could've scored a hat trick despite only having a single Werther's Original in the previous nine days.
-Even worse, he CONSTANTLY requires air in order to breathe. If England ever play a World Cup qualifier on the moon without the aid of spacesuits, Sterling would probably ask not to play simply because the atmospheric conditions aren't up to his extravagant needs.
-Sterling also claims that he has to sleep EVERY NIGHT. This is pure laziness. There are people who take large amounts of methamphetamine and stay up for days and days, but Sterling apparently thinks he's too good for that. He probably hasn't even watched Breaking Bad in its entirety. But if he has, why is he spending all his time watching television shows and sleeping? Either way, his behavior is wholly unprofessional.
-While not doing something important like playing a Euro qualifier against Estonia, the least Sterling could have done was spend that time curing a disease that has baffled scientists, who are experts in their respective fields, for generations. But during the match, he didn't even say the word "influenza," let alone enter an Estonian lab and cure it with science things. Inexcusable.
So there you have it. Indisputable proof that Raheem Sterling is weak and has no idea what it's like to make a living doing something truly exhausting like sitting at a desk all day every day and only getting up to buy fattening snacks from the vending machine. When will these millionaire footballers stop living in the plush fantasy land we have created for them?
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