There are plenty of long winded World Cup previews floating around at the moment, so let's just do a speedy run through the most important categories to watch for. These are the 2014 World Cup superlatives for individual players (and one advertisement)...
Most disappointing absence who will be talked about more than many players who are actually there and might seize power in Brazil during the tournament: Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Sweden
Best nickname: Both Xherdan "Magic Dwarf" Shaqiri and Xherdan "Power Cube" Shaqiri, Switzerland
Most likely to score a beautiful free kick and then make you want to grow a beard: Andrea Pirlo, Italy
Most likely to take off his shirt even when someone in another match scores: Cristiano Ronaldo, Portugal
Most likely to be playing his last World Cup so you should make a point to appreciate his brilliance on and off the pitch: Didier Drogba, Ivory Coast
Best dancing pirate: Raul Meireles, Portugal
Most likely to blast a shot straight through a goalkeeper's body from distance: Hulk, Brazil
Most likely to become the World Cup's new all-time leading scorer: Miroslav Klose, Germany (currently sits one goal behind Brazil's Ronaldo)
Most Greek: Lazaros Christodoulopoulos, Greece
Most likely to make a wonderfully strange facial expression at an opponent: Clint Dempsey, USA
Most likely to win the Golden Boot exclusively through unnecessary goals: Fernando Torres, Spain
The single player under the absolute most pressure to win a World Cup: Lionel Messi, Argentina
The single player under the absolute least pressure to win a World Cup: Eugene Galekovic, Australia
Most likely to carry his team on a surprising run into the knockout stages: Edin Dzeko, Bosnia and Herzegovina
Most inspiring World Cup ad: Chilean miners for Banco de Chile.
Most likely to cut inside and score even though everyone knows it's coming: Arjen Robben, the Netherlands.
Best goalkeeper who has held Lionel Messi scoreless in seven straight meetings: Thibaut Courtois, Belgium
Most likely to lead France into the knockout stage even if the rest of his teammates refuse to get off the bus: Paul Pogba, France
Most likely to yell at a camera that isn't even filming after England lose: Wayne Rooney, England
Best elderly villain reaping the rewards of the tournament while destroying all his enemies: Sepp Blatter, FIFA
- - - - - - -