Bank 'Em: Bold 2019 NHL predictions that will surely be correct
They can be right, they can be wrong, they can be both or they can be neither — but the best of all is absolutely anyone can make them without ever being held accountable for the bad ones.
Ahhhhh, sports predictions.
Whether you’re more of a hot-take connoisseur, a calculated mastermind of stat-based prognostications or one who simply likes to take a stab at these types of things just for the hell of it, making bold claims and standing firmly by those, even when they inevitably turn out to be terribly, terribly incorrect, is a sport-spectating rite of passage.
Here some sure-to-be correct forecasts for you to take to the bank.
(Don’t actually take these to the bank.)
Vegas Golden Knights miss the playoffs
Rest in peace to (almost) everybody’s favourite underdog story from 2018. VGK, as you may have heard, had the most successful expansion campaign in the history of Major North American professional sports (and probably non-major, un-North American sports, too) after reaching the damn Stanley Cup Finals in Year One.
Most pegged the Golden Knights to regress pretty steadily this season for a host of reasons, but to suggest they’d miss the playoffs would have been a bold stretch. Well, I’m bold, and I’m making that stretch and calling Vegas to miss the postseason in 2019. What a whacky start for this franchise.
Hurricanes celebration catches on
The hip, revolutionary types love it, hockey’s dinosaurs hate it, and everybody has an opinion on it — the unique Hurricanes, post-win celebration has divided those who realize that sports are supposed to be fun and tailored towards fans’ entertainment and those who are boring and generally suck.
In the beloved year of our lord 2019, several more team across the NHL will introduce their own fresh variations of the team celly, exciting the vast majority of hockey followers while angering the old-school types who like to think of themselves as some type gatekeepers for the holy sanctity of the sport. It’s the future, and it will be glorious.
Jonathan Quick lands with a new team
The Los Angeles Kings are not in a good position right now. With a rostered littered with old dudes, bad contracts, and the team sitting dead last in the NHL, the next few seasons, at least, are looking pretty bleak for a franchise that has captured two Stanley Cups over the past seven seasons.
Despite his not-so-spectacular numbers and lingering injury issues over the last couple of years, Quick still has the ability to steal games and help a decent team with shaky net-minding get over the edge, sneak into the playoffs, and possibly do some damage. His $5.8 cap hit isn’t terrible for a ‘tender of his caliber, and there’s a handful of squads who should do what it takes to make room for the former Conn Smyth trophy winner and two-time Cup champ.
Cough *Edmonton, Carolina, Philly, Pittsburgh* cough.
A goaltender wins the Hart Trophy
Speaking of goalies and stealing games/seasons, there’s another skilled ‘tender carrying a mediocre California-based squad right now by the name of John Gibson, who has the Ducks in a playoff spot despite the Anaheim being not-great at playing hockey so far this season.
The Ducks are 29th or worse in many team stat categories including percentage of 5-on-5 shot attempts, unblocked attempts, shots on goal, expected goals, penalty difference and ran 23rd in goal differential, but the team is in the mix solely because of Gibson, who’s stolen many a game this season while posting the NHL’s third-best save percentage. Gibby (guessing that’s his nickname) could, er, WILL, become just the third netminder since 2002 to be named league MVP.
Peter Chiarelli finally gets axed
Considering the absolute gutting of forward talent since 2015, an inability to put together an effective defence corps and the failure to make the playoffs in two of Connor McDavid’s first three NHL seasons, you’d think the the prediction of Edmonton’s underperforming general manager getting canned would be a pretty safe one.
Well, it in’t. This dude is like immortal. Not sure what he has on Oilers owner Daryl Katz, but if the team fails to make the postseason AGAIN, which it very well could, this has to be the end of Chiarelli’s tenure with the franchise. Right? RIGHT?
Vancouver lands Jack Hughes
Good news and bad news here, Canucks fans.
The bad: despite a surprising first chunk of the season which has the team sitting higher in the standings than most predicted entering the campaign, the ‘Nucks will falter down the stretch and take their rightful place near the bottom of the NHL’s standings.
The good: my completely uncalculated forecast has the lottery balls going Vancouver’s way this spring, yielding the squad the No. 1 overall pick and the right to select Jack Hughes, the extremely (some would say generational) talented brother of Canucks 2018 first-rounder Quinn. Let the next great “Brothers Era” in BC begin.
Joel Quenneville ends up … somewhere
The three-time Stanley Cup champion will be coaching one of the NHL’s 31 hockey teams in 2019. This one you CAN take to the bank despite it being my boldest and riskiest take yet.
Islanders fans stop being bitter about Tavares
I know this sounds outrageous, but 2019 will finally be the year that the rest of the salty Isles fans still angry at John Tavares’ departure will actually grow up and come to terms with the reality that JT was never staying and always planned to head home to Toronto.
It’s OK, seriously. It happens. In sports, players move around teams all the time and it ain’t that serious. I truly believe that the small lingering group of idiots who constantly bombard Tavares with hateful Instagram comments, tweets, emails, and probably even angry, pigeon-delivered messages will be eradicated by natural selection over the coming months.
The San Jose Sharks get their Cup
Not basing this on a whole lot other than the pulsing gut feeling that the Sharks are this year’s Washington Capitals — the talented squad that has endured playoff heartbreak after heartbreak over the past 10-plus years despite consistently icing one of the league’s best regular season squads.
Big Joe Thornton finally gets his, and I will cry.
Gritty gets arrested
Whether for some type of on-ice intermission assault, a bank robbery, stalking, money laundering and fraud, or a combination of all of the above, this sinister orange beast will have his reign as the GOAT mascot end when it gets arrested at some point during 2019.
Believe me, It pains me to write this. But it’s bound to happen and I’ve always vowed to give it to the people straight. Rest easy, Gritty.
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