50 Seriously Hysterical Dad Tweets That Made 2021 A Helluva Lot Funnier
There's no question about it — between adjusting to the kids returning to school during the pandemic, and the everyday perils of parenting, dads went all in with some seriously hilarious tweets in 2021.
CBS
Well, we rounded up 50 of the viral dad tweets that made this year way funnier:
1.
I just had to tell my 5-year-old not to walk down the stairs with a bucket over her head, so I think we can stop saving for college.
2.
I just made my daughter a grilled cheese and her response was “this is perfect, I bet you can’t do it twice” so yes, she knows how to play the game
3.
“Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?”- my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization
4.
My kids were screaming at each other.I told them to stop fighting.They said they weren't fighting. They were playing "Karens."Now everybody is grounded.
5.
My 12yo is into scary movies but complained they aren't scary enough so we just watched The Descent and wow you don't always know when you fuck up as a parent but this was a big one.
6.
grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings
7.
my daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie so I said “hey, the 90’s called” and she replied “yeah cause they couldn’t text” and godDAMMIT I’m getting really tired of my kids owning me
8.
I set out a suitcase to pack for my flight later today and spotted my 3 year old crawling inside it to hide. I casually zipped it up, yelled "I'M OFF TO THE AIRPORT, EVERYBODY!", and carried it to the car. I've circled the block twice and my luggage hasn't stopped laughing.
9.
Half of parenting is just moving cups away from the edge of the table
10.
As a parent, I was prepared for the boy to get into violent video games, but I was not prepared for him to become obsessed with a vineyard management sim called Terroir and get upset about critics slagging off his Zinfandel
11.
My son on why Caleb is his best friend at kindergarten: "He doesn't really speak English, so we can skip all the talking and just get right to the karate."
12.
I ate the last Hot Pocket and left the empty box in the freezer. I think it’s time my kids learn how that shit feels
13.
6-year-old: Do you have lots of money?Me: I'm rich in other ways, like family.6: So you're broke?
14.
Overheard my daughter’s friend on FaceTime telling her Dad to please stop singing because he’s embarrassing her so obviously I did what any Dad would do and finished the chorus for him.
15.
My kids will be late to school even if we lived inside the school
16.
It would appear I have fucked up.
17.
There’s an urban legend going around that one time a kid went on a 20 minute car ride without a tablet or fidget toys.
18.
when you really need your toddler to stop asking questions for just two goddam minutes
19.
Stepping down from my job to devote myself full time to reading the emails from my kids schools
20.
I got my wife the two things she really wanted: some time alone, and knowing that I'm slightly miserable
21.
8-year-old: *fights with her sisters*Me: All right, who started it?8: You did when you had so many kids.
22.
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?Me: Finish your dinner first6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
23.
My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
24.
son: can I have your phone?me: noson: can I have your phone?me: noson: can I have your phone?me: noson: can I have your phone?me: WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT?!?son: I want to look up what it sounds like when a giraffe fartsme: why didn't you lead with that? have a seat.
25.
I caught my 9-year-old helping my 5-year-old with her math homework.When they noticed I was watching, they started fighting.Have to keep up appearances.
26.
Any time parents try to have a romantic moment
27.
Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.
28.
Lay concrete in your backyard they said. What could go wrong they said.
29.
My daughter made $110 on her lemonade stand today, in like an hour. Turned out people were handing her $5s and $10s and she was just assertively saying thank you for the tip, and not offering change.
30.
“You know what’s weird? We name all our pets but we never tell them OUR names” my daughter going deep today
31.
Kids mispronouncing things is super adorable but at some point I will have to tell my daughter we don’t put Farmer John cheese on spaghetti.
32.
33.
My daughter would unplug my life support to plug in her iPod.
34.
we homeschool. 12 started school by himself at 6:30 this morning. i asked why he started already and he said "i just want to get this done so i can get back to being lazy sooner" right on bro.
35.
When your kid has yet to finish a puzzle & now it looks like the scene of a teddy bear murder
36.
7-year-old: This is my friend. He's been in my class since KINDERGARTEN.Me: That's only three years.7: That's like half my life.
37.
I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
38.
ME: *exists*KID: that’s not how mommy does it
39.
The way my kids use toothpaste they’ll never have a cavity in their bathroom sink
40.
7-year-old: I ate all of my lunch at school, and half of my friend's.Me: Didn't she want her lunch?7: When someone gives me food, I don't ask questions.
41.
My 4 year old asked what happens when you drive over a stick of butter. I said, it’ll flatten. He asked how I knew. And that’s how we got here. So what I’m saying is, when we have a hypothesis in this house, we test it. I’m also saying, my wife is away.
42.
My 5-year-old, after having one drop of rain fall on him
43.
Daughter now refusing fruit for breakfast saying she doesn’t “like sweet things in the bitter morning” so I guess it’s safe to say that 3rd grade is when reality first kicks in.
44.
9-year-old: My dress has pockets.Me: Okay.9: Nothing can stop me.
45.
[carving pumpkins]Me: Need help buddy?5: No, I do it myself5’s pumpkin:
46.
Nobody is more drunk with power than a 5-year-old telling you to “go fish.”
47.
5-year-old: I'll miss you when I'm at school.Me: I'll miss you, too.5: I was talking to my stuffed animals.
48.
My son has a shirt that says, “my dad can beat up your dad,” and honestly I don’t like the pressure
49.
The parenting books didn’t warn me that someday I’d find myself at the playground wiping my kid’s bottom with a McDonald’s cheeseburger wrapper, yet here we are
50.
My 10-year-old made scrambled eggs for her sisters, but they refused to eat it.She was distraught.Why would they turn down perfectly good food that she worked really hard on?Welcome to parenthood.
