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Hulk Hogan’s 3 Biggest Hollywood Movie Blunders; A Fan’s Take
Pro wrestling news site PWtorch.com is reporting that the WWE is planning on releasing Hulk Hogan's first feature film No Holds Barred. The movie, which centers on a wrestling match between Hogan's character Rip and rival Zeus, is currently scheduled for a July release. Since his film debut in Rocky 3 as Thunderlips, the Hulkster's screen career has gone downhill. Despite its awful storyline and writing, No Holds Barred was not Hogan's worst offense. Here is a list of Hulk Hogan's 3 biggest Hollywood blunders.
In this 1993 New Line Cinema release, Hogan plays an ex pro wrestler who is hired by a family to become their bodyguard. It's a simple premise, right? Wrong. Add to the mix the former George Jefferson as Hulk Hogan's manager, two bratty Home Alone-esque children, and a villain who suffers from severe migraines due to a large metal plate in his head. If this doesn't sound like a masterpiece to you, then maybe you need to watch the scene when the 300 lb former Heavyweight Champion of the world appears on screen in a pink tutu.
Santa with Muscles
After the critical failure known as "Mr. Nanny" drove millions of children into therapy, Hulk Hogan returned in 1996 with another kid's movie. This time it was a holiday film along the lines of recent Tim Allen hit "The Santa Clause." "Santa with Muscles" features Hogan as an evil millionaire who winds up with amnesia and begins to think he is Santa Claus. Are you surprised this movie didn't get an Oscar nod for writing? The one glaring easter egg on this film is the appearance of Mila Kunis, a decade before she became Hollywood 's hottest lady.
Thunder in Paradise 2 and 3
Okay, I admit it. I enjoyed the first "Thunder in Paradise" movie. It was corny and goofy, but it was fun and was the perfect Hulk Hogan vehicle. It reminded me of one the awful cult classic horror movies like "Mosquito." The movie was so bad it was good. However, leave it to the tanned champion to not leave well enough alone. The sequels were worse than the first, with overly complicated stories and action sequences more ridiculous than Wyle E. Coyote cartoons. The sequels were also famous for putting many of Hogan's ex wrestling buddies in cameo roles. "Hey, you know what this movie needs more of? Brutus Beefcake," said nobody, ever.
Of course, I'm just having fun at the expense of Hulk Hogan's long history of Hollywood blunders. Hogan may have opened the door for men like The Rock, but when Hollywood realized Hogan couldn't act and they tried to shut that door, Hogan did whatever he could to keep his fingers inside the cracks.
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Ryan Drew is a 30 year old wrestler from New England. Follow Ryan Drew on Twitter@OhThatDrew or on Facebook.com/WrestlingHub.
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