Dirty Tackle - World Soccer

Welcome to the start of what will hopefully become a running feature here at DT, where we pose a ridiculous series of questions to an MLS player in an effort to help you better know them. Inspired by Stephen Colbert's "Better Know a District" (and FBM's "Better Know a Supporters Group"), we bring you part one of a roughly 540-plus part series. So join us now as we better know Sporting KC striker Teal Bunbury!

1. Starting off with a difficult question, what makes you awesome? (Note: If we find your answer boring, we will photoshop you into an image of awesomeness.)

Teal: I mean there's a lot of things, haha, I'm just kidding. What I do have to say, is when I do get my first dog, I'm going to name it Goku from DragonBallZ so I think that makes me pretty awesome.

[Ed. Note: We're ruling that answer not boring. And unexpected.]

2. What's the best part about being a professional footballer in the U.S.?

Teal: Just playing the sport I love, I mean it's what I've wanted to do since I was little. So the best part of it is just training, traveling and playing games

3. If Chad Ochocinco did, in fact, become your teammate, would you want a locker next to his or as far away as possible?

Teal: He was here, and his locker was right next to mine. But yeah I'd definitely want it close to me, he's a funny character and you know, a jokester.

4. Have you had a ladyfriend shout, "I like that Boon-boo-ree — I like that Boon-boo-ree!" in a private moment yet? Saying "no comment" will count as a yes.

Teal: No I haven't, but I'm waiting still.

5. You did The Dougie to celebrate your first U.S. goal, will you do The Macarena to celebrate your second? (It's the only other dance I know, so I think you should do it.)

Teal: I don't know, I might have to lay off the dance theme, for now, but maybe The Macarena sometime… I have some dances I might break out, but I don't want to reveal them yet.

6. Since your dad [Alex Bunbury] played for Maritimo in Portugal, are you upset that your club was renamed Sporting KC instead of Maritimo KC?

Teal: No I'm not upset at all, no way.

7. What has been your weirdest experience with MLS fans? (Note: If you don't have one that's particularly weird, feel free to use your imagination.)

Teal: When they tell me they love me, I think that's kind of weird, but I mean that's cool it's just showing me some love. A good weird I guess.

8. Is your favorite color, in fact, teal? If not, do you feel like you're living a lie?

Teal: No, it's not teal, it's red, and I don't feel like that means I'm living a lie.

9. Pretend you're a journalist and make up a completely fictional transfer rumor.

Teal: I would say that  Michael Harrington (Sporting KC defender) got transferred to Arsenal for $190 million euros. They like his different hairstyles, they didn't take him for his game and play, just for his style.

10. If you had supreme power, what's the first thing you would do to improve MLS?

Teal: I would try to have every team have a soccer-specific stadium.

11. Lionel Messi: Worst footballer or worstest footballer?

Teal: Oh my gosh, neither, he is the bestest.

12. What made you switch from the Canadian U-20 team to the U.S. national team: Constantly hearing Canada being referenced to as America's top hat or Bob Bradley's hypnotic, wolf-like stare?

Teal: No comment.

13. And finally, the Andrei Arshavin Q&A Tribute Question: From 1009 --
Hi, [Teal]! Some people say that the rain comes when the angels cry; some people say that it is a natural process. What do you think? Do you like rain??

Teal: Yeah, I like to make it rain.

Thank you so much for answering (all but one of) these ridiculous questions, Teal.

So there you have it. Teal plans on naming his future dog after an anime character, he looks forward to a female companion shouting "I like that Boon-Boo-Ree!" in a private moment, he might do The Macarena, he's got the jump on Michael Harrington's big money transfer to Arsenal, he refuses to answer questions about Canada and he likes to make it rain. I don't know about you, but I think I now know him better than even my best imaginary friends.

Photo: @TealBunB

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