Wed Dec 01 12:45am EST
The chronically cold necks of English football have been warmed by a garment called a snood and Roy Keane does not like this. Carlos Tevez wears it, Emmanuel Adebayor wears it, Samir Nasri and half of Arsenal wear it, and soon, the snood will come for your neck.
The Telegraph did a piece on the epidemic earlier this week, pointing out the snood's rise to popularity in Italy, where the likes of Gianluca Pagliuca, Gianluigi Buffon and Francesco Totti were all early adopters, and Spain and even Brazil. Now, the gullet cozy has even permeated into savage consciousness of Ipswich Town manager and generally awesome human Roy Keane.
But between the gloves, the snoods and whatever other confounding affectations the kids are wearing these days, Keane (who is only 39 years old, mind you) just finds it all a bit strange.
Says Old Mr. Roy, presumably after he shooed some kids off his lawn (via the Guardian):
"Don't get me started. I don't know how they do it. It's very strange. Gloves, scarves, I think somebody came on a few weeks ago for [Manchester] City who had a hat on. I don't know how they do it and focus on the game, it's weird. That's the way the game's gone."
A hat! That's preposterous! Imagine that -- a thing you wear on your head. Or maybe it wasn't a hat. Maybe it was one of those newfangled hairstyles. You know how these young people today are with their hairstyles.
Roy is right, though. How is it possible to wear articles of clothing and be focused on doing something at the same time? That's madness! Pure lunacy.
When it is suggested that snoods, gloves, scarves and tights would not have been worn during Keane's 12 years at United, which ended in 2005, he says: "Not at all. They've all gone soft. I think John Barnes wore gloves but to be fair I think that boy could play. That was just gloves. Then it went to tights. Now it's scarves."
Roy Keane Rule: You only deserve to be warm if you're good.
Seriously. That's his rule.
There was also disdain for the idea that Keane would be ordering a job-lot of snoods for his Ipswich squad: "No, no. They can wear gloves in training, which I don't mind. One or two of our lads wore them last year in a cup game up at Blackpool. I made the point: 'If you're going to wear gloves, you'd better play well. Because that's the first thing I'm going to throw back at you. You wear the tights, scarves, you'd better play well.'"
If you don't? He will literally eat you.
Photo: Getty Images