May 11, 2011
How has your week been, Mario?
Pretty good. Pretty good. We qualified for the Champions League for the first time, so that's great. I also watched this documentary about butterflies that was fascinating. And I saved a man's life by giving him a tracheotomy with a pen in a restaurant.
Seriously? That's amazing! What happened?
Nah, I don't want to talk about it. I'm really shy.
Come on, Mario. That sounds like an great story -- please share.
Well, I took my brother to this Italian restaurant in Manchester that kind of reminds me of home and all of the sudden this older gentleman a few tables away started choking. A few people screamed and no one knew what to do, so I stepped in and gave him the Heimlich. I did that three times and it wasn't working, so I knew I had to act fast. I asked if anyone had a ballpoint pen and this lovely woman handed me one, so I gave the guy an emergency tracheotomy with it right there on the floor of the restaurant. Thankfully, it worked. Everyone applauded, which was embarrassing, and the restaurant said our meal was on the house, but I paid anyway. After the ambulance came, I sped off in my Maserati.
That's unbelievable, Mario. But how did you know how to do all that?
I like to read medical books when I'm depressed. Having that knowledge makes me feel useful.
You saved that man's life. You're a hero.
Me? No. The woman who gave me her pen is the hero. If she didn't have it, my knowledge would've been worthless.
So, yeah, that was Monday.