As we all should have expected, the fourth Clasico of this season and start to Real Madrid and Barcelona's Champions League semifinal tie was filled with controversy and short tempers. Though Barcelona prevailed in the end, taking a 2-0 lead into the second leg thanks to a pair of late Lionel Messi goals after Pepe got sent off, we really must ask...what if it continued?
97' -- Jose Mourinho continues to furiously pass notes to the bench after getting sent off and cordoned away in the stands. His latest hastily scratched missive reads, "Which ice cream flavor do you prefer?!?!?! __ Chocolate __ Vanilla." Kaka checks off "Vanilla."
101' -- Seeing Xavi stub his toe causes Sergio Busquets to fall down clutching his face.
106' -- Lionel Messi scores another breath-taking goal, just wants to go home and build his Hero Recon Team Lego playset.
112' -- Sergio Ramos picks up Mesut Ozil in an attempt to build a super defender that Messi cannot get around. The Ramos then accidentally drops Ozil under the bus Real tried to park in front of their goal, mangling Ozil beyond recognition. He claims Ozil jumped.
115' -- Hearing someone speak in his general direction causes Sergio Busquets to fall down clutching his face.
120' -- Barcelona decide that since a win for them is a win for football, the sport should be renamed "Barcelona" and anyone who does not conform to their style of play will be ridiculed and put to death. This is all deemed very reasonable.
124' -- Jose Mourinho sends another note. This one reads, "Who is behind the Barca Champions League conspiracy? __ UEFA __ The Da Vinci Code __ Both" Kaka checks off "Both."
128' -- Pepe runs back onto the pitch and viciously kicks Dani Alves in the head and back. The referee explains that he knew Pepe would do this, which is why he sent him off earlier. The referee reveals himself to be a Pre-Cog from Minority Report.
130' -- The match is abandoned when Didier Drogba appears out of nowhere and declares that it is "time for the disgraces." He says: "First, yet another referee is favoring Barcelona in a Champions League semifinal. That is an annual f***ing disgrace. ... Then, Robin van Persie asked if he could do this with me. That was a spotlight stealing f***ing disgrace. ... Then, I saw Sergio Ramos drop Alfredo Di Stefano under a bus. That was a disturbing f***ing disgrace. ... Then, there were those times those referees who probably lick public benches cheated Chelsea out of the Champions League -- even once against Jose Mourinho's Inter. That...that was a..."
276' - Sergio Busquets arrives back at his house, turns on the TV, changes into comfortable clothes, makes himself a snack, goes to the bathroom, checks his email, then falls down clutching his face.
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