August 26, 2011
Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
This one confused the [expletive] out of us. See if you can follow along:
This Chicago Blackhawks fan gets a cynical third jersey with "LSTSTNLYCP?" and '61' on the back. This is annoying because (a) it reads like a terrible license plate and (b) it carries over a cynicism from the Bill Wirtz era into the Rocky Wirtz era, which has been nothing but optimistic.
So the Hawks win the Cup in 2010, and our friend arrives at a crossroads: Do I dump my ode to negativity for a new sweater celebrating this accomplishment?
No, of course I don't.
Except here's the thing: By X'ing out the '61' on the back and on the sleeves but leaving the nameplate intact, our friend is now indirectly asking if the 2010 championship will be the LSTSTNLYCP. Hey, look, we know the team's top heavy against the cap, but that's an unheard of level of skepticism. Even a Leafs fan would give it five years after a Cup before believing they'll never win another one.
And then what if they win again? An 'X' over the 'X' over the '61'?
You know, winter's nearly here. And fires need kindling. Just sayin'. Thanks to Puck Daddy reader Jeff Z for the image.
(Coming Up: Clark Griswold Foul; when boyfriends let their girlfriends Foul; disrespecting Bobby and Gordie; Ducks Crocs; Toronto dials 311; and the 50th state gets a tribute in San Jose.)
And here ... we ... go.
We're often asked if the Clark Griswold No. 00 Chicago Blackhawks jersey is a Foul, to which we respond in the negative. Yes, it's a Foul in "Christmas Vacation" when Chevy Chase wears it, but if you were to wear it then it gets a Pass under the Pop Culture Icon provision.
But here's the catch: It's gotta be a Chicago Blackhawks jersey. Certainly not a Minnesota Golden Gophers jersey (via Jeff from Third String Goalie). Unless this was some really, really complicated way to link Chevy Chase in "Vacation" with "Caddyshack" via a Gopher. But we're not sure anyone's working on that comedic plane in this image.
For the record, the best quote from "Christmas Vacation": "Oh, Eddie... If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am now."
From reader Patrick Kelly:
You've gotta love the fact that San Jose fans just seem not to give flying good goddamn about what's on their jerseys. I've seen some weird choices for the back of sweaters at the Tank and this one ranks up there with McLovin #69 (or McLoven #69, yes there are 2 out there distinguished by the fact that one spells it with an "e" and the other with an "i").
Pass or Fail? Book 'em, Danno.
While admirable from an American History perspective, we'll FAIL this for (a) having nothing to do with the San Jose Sharks and (b) choosing a state that's better known for Poi than puck.
Also, we're discouraged about this "wear your state" trend, as Delaware natives would constantly be mistaken for goaltenders while Georgians would be in a constant state of Bobby Orr tribute.
Speaking of which …
From reader Ricky Lazaro, who was flabbergasted by this New York Islanders sweater:
As a Rangers fan on Long Island, I will occasionally purchase tickets to the only "professional" sports team here, the New York Islanders. I do this for two reasons.
One reason is the old "buy tickets in the nosebleeds but sit in the empty seats in the third row" routine, as I could never do this at MSG, where the fans actually show up. The other is the incredible amount of jersey fouls committed. I like to think that the Nassau Coliseum is only second to the HP Pavilion in terms of Jersey Fouls per game.
(Now, this number may be skewed because I can never tell if these jerseys are those of some schlub who personalized his or her own jersey or yet another in a long line of obscure minor leaguers to pass through the Islanders system, but in the end, what's the difference?)
In my years, I have seen a few doozies, but none as atrocious as this one that I saw at the Islanders Prospect Scrimmage tonight.
Correct me if I am wrong, but no Orr, much less BOBBY, played for the Islanders. Normally, I would dismiss it as a joke or a lost bet, but this one really sticks in my craw. This certainly has to be worse than the Whalers jersey with Stamkos's name that I saw in a previous edition of Jersey Fouls. I mean, of all players, this mook picks BOBBY FREAKING ORR to put on his jersey.
The guy is a legend. The only jersey "Orr 4" should be on is a Bruins jersey. Even the Blackhawks doesn't feel right. I unfortunately did not get to ask this bum what drug he was on when he got his jersey personalized, so his logic escapes me.
We feel like we've spotted this sweater on TV before during an Islanders game, and may have even run a screen cap at one point. But here's a clear image that captures how incredibly baffling this Jersey Foul is, considering the Islanders have a Hall of Fame defenseman of their own who was pretty OK.
Well, not according to Rangers fans, but his record stands.
The only way we can deal with these Toronto Maple Leafs tributes to Nick Hexum and S.A. Martinez of the band 311 is with a musical tribute to their biggest hit:
"311's played out and then some some/
"Know that you look like a clown clown/
"And if I ever didn't tell you you/
"Please know this is a Foul."
Thanks to reader Scott Thurston.
Puck Daddy reader Jennifer Welch checked in with this sweater from the St. Louis Blues, which is slowly challenging Chicago for Jersey Foul Kings of the Midwest:
It's really the other jersey that had me WTF-ing during the national anthem the other night. Don't get me wrong, Chris Stewart(notes) has been a Beast since he came to St. Louis and quickly is turning into a fan favorite. So why does Belle feel the need to defile her new favorite player's jersey with "Smooches"??
Even if she got this jersey pre-blockbuster trade (but it's still the Blues' relatively new 3rd, so it wasn't that long ago), surely her male companion would have prevented this from happening. He's rocking a pretty legit Petro sweater, so he's clearly got a handle on what is acceptable.
We understand what Jen's lobbying for here, so allow us to share some insight from the male perspective.
While we'd like nothing more than the ridicule and mock you for wearing a No. 25 Smooches jersey to the game, it simply isn't going to happen in a relatively healthy relationship. This is because the health of said relationship is built upon a foundation of mutual respect, undeniable affection and our ability to keep our [expletive] critical opinions to ourselves about what you're wearing. If it means we won't get yelled at and/or will get laid, will put over the most hideous of ensembles like a guy who was just traded to Ottawa calling the Senators a Cup contender. In the end, we both know who's signing our checks.
Thanks for listening,
Via reader Dennis, a Jersey Foul at an Adirondack Phantoms (AHL) game. FAIL if it's for the hockey term. Double Fail if it's for the band. Triple Fail for making us read bottom to top.
It's no secret Kings fans hate Ducks fans. Personally I think we Kings fans are in the right because Ducks make some of the stupidest (and most arrogant) jerseys ever. Of course, I think the matching orange Crocs may be the biggest insult of all …
No, the biggest insult of all would be a Dan Dan '4238' jersey for Sexton and Ellis. Especially if worn with orange Crocs.
This comes to us from reader Billy Feculak via a WHL playoff game between Medicine Hat and Red Deer. "It's pretty self explanatory and the funny thing is PEGLEG's wife (to the right of him) also has a pegleg," he writes.
What we have here, friends, is your classic Jersey Fouls conundrum. Yes, it's a Foul by definition. No, we're not going to tell a dude walking with two metal canes that his jersey is heinous. We're bastards, but we're not heartless bastards.
So we'll file this one under the Military Exception Clause (even if he didn't serve) and give it a PASS.
And finally …
From Puck Daddy reader Robert Dale Woodruff II, an affront to hockey fandom:
Here's a picture of a guy I saw at the Red Wings-Coyotes game on March 5th in Phoenix. I don't know if HBUNNY is a reference to a Hockey Bunny or Howe Bunny or something else all together, but the desecration of this sacred jersey is simply intolerable.
You know, we establish a rule or two here every time we do a Jersey Fouls post. Some seem more obvious than others. So risking having to overstate the obvious, we'll now overstate the obvious:
YOU DON'T MESS WITH GORDIE.