Please recall the Boston Bruins' hedonistic night at the SHRINE club at the MGM-Foxwoods Casino after their Stanley Cup parade, in which they rung up a $156,679.74 bar bill that included a $100,000 bottle of champagne, nine bottles of Grey Goose … and one lonely little Amstel Light.
In a move so ingeniously opportunistic that we're stunned it wasn't actually initiated by a minor league hockey team, Amstel Light has announced it's on the hunt for the Bruin who ordered that solitary brew — and wants to give him free beer:
So who ordered the beer? Coming up, our suspects.
Tomas Kaberle(notes), Defenseman: The non-aggressive, non-impactful trade-deadline acquisition is perhaps the most popular suspect, if only because one can picture him nursing his beer for two hours while the other Bruins are taking tequila shots and punching each other in the face.
Shane Hnidy(notes), Defenseman: You may be wondering why Hnidy, a reserve defenseman, was specifically mentioned in the Amstel Light letter. This is because teammate Shawn Thornton(notes) (also mentioned) said on CSNNE that, "I don't think anyone on our team drinks Amstel Light" but that his top suspect was Hnidy.
Dennis Seidenberg(notes), Defenseman: Original name of the company in 1892? "Amstel Bavarian beer brewery." Dennis Seidenberg? Born in West Germany. We don't know what you're smelling, we smell schnitzel.
A Random Woman Partying With the Bruins: Not to be a party pooper here, but we're guessing that none of the Bruins actually consumed an Amstel Light at the bar, but rather ordered one for a random lovely who decided to hang with the champs.
That said, a Bruin should step up and accept responsibility for the purchase, whether he drank the beer or not. Because based on the offer, this is the difference between Amstel Light filling a child's swimming pool with beer during the day with the Cup and having to do it yourself, Lucic.