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When CBC allowed the historic, beloved theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada" to be swallowed up by the competition, it devastated puckheads all over North America; we compared it to "The Simpsons" suddenly coming back next season with the latest Fall Out Boy single instead of the decades-old opening theme.

Staring down the barrel of a PR nightmare, CBC did what any red-faced, miserly corporation would do: Attempt to pay off its disgruntled customers. So the network announced the "Canada's Hockey Anthem Challenge," in which viewers could submit their original songs for the chance to have their tune heard on "HNIC" and win $100,000 (CDN) along with half the royalties for future public performances.

Problem No. 1 with the contest: The contest originally offered viewers the chance to "submit audio or video files with their bid to provide the new theme music for Hockey Night in Canada." Now, the CBC's rules site for the contest claims that "the winning Theme will be broadcast as a key part of the program during the 2008-9 hockey season, and potentially beyond." A key part of the program? Could be the opening, could be the end credits. It's called "wiggle room."

Problem No. 2 with the contest: The Anthem Challenge ends on August 31 at 11:59 p.m., so there's still time. But the CBC's contest site has close to 40 pages of entries, and many of them ... how to put this? ... suck. Not all of them do: This fanfare from a Vancouver-based opera composer actually gets a little goose-bumpy at the end. But mostly, they make one hope the CBC just drops the dough for "Hockey Monkey" or "I Want to Drive the Zamboni."

Puck Daddy took a listen to some of the more popular entries on the CBC's contest site, as well as to some of the more creative "candidates" from YouTube. In the end, we believe we may have found a winner, from a rather unlikely place.

From the CBC site, we focus on the two most-viewed theme song entries. First is "I'm a Canadian" by The Dropjoys, which features a nice alt-country riff behind perhaps the most annoying coffee house folk singer not currently found in San Francisco. It's the perfect song for a montage of polite, weaponless Canadians smiling at each other in a Michael Moore documentary:

The second most-viewed anthem on the CBC site (as of July 7) is "The Heartbeat of Hockey" by Jenny Robinson. "Feel your heart pound with the speed of a Snowbird, as the pulsing native drum, hypnotic bass and 'Rocky-like' horn section propel your excitement to thrilling heights."

Eh, not quite. Any successful hockey theme should not afford the opportunity for one to sing along: "Spider-Man/Spider-Man/He plays hockey in tights."

If nothing else, her dandy synth-pop skills could earn her a songwriting gig for a Geocities home page or for an NES sports game published in 1989.

As usual, the real ingenuity in this contest comes from the warped minds on YouTube. Some users have taken to "mashing up" the HNIC opening with theme songs from other sports programs. Like this one, which retrofits the ESPN Hockey Night theme. Or this one, which uses the NFL on FOX opening. But the entry below not only uses a famous ESPN/ABC ditty, but also re-imagines the opening montage. Obvious, but genius:

Here in the U.S., we use the Academy Awards for crass political messages. In Canada, it's the HNIC theme song contest, as The Consumer Goods take aim at Don Cherry, the CBC and war in the Middle East. Please enjoy "Hockey Night in Afghanada":

This one ... good god, someone please buy these guys a hooker.

Finally, there's this entry from Retro Winnipeg on YouTube that we keep coming back to again and again. The visuals, the way the song builds ... it just fits. Same with the virtues associated with both this theme and with hockey: Blue-collar work ethic, the us-against-them battle between a scrappy team and incompetent management, and the occasional foray into physical comedy.

Maybe it's just our unending desire to see Dwight Schrute engage Don Cherry in a debate about visors and ninjas, but this might just be the best option in the new "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song:

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19 Comments

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  1. "dave schultz"
    1. Posted by "dave schultz" Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:43 pm EDT

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    W.O.W.
    Things that suck = all those possible theme songs.
  2. Bubbabanjo
    2. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    Wyshynski you stink!
  3. Bubbabanjo
    3. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    Hockey Night rocks. Don Cherry is Da man!
  4. Doogie
    4. Posted by Doogie Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:30 pm EDT

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    I don't get the mandatory "Wyshynski sucks" comments. The only thing I don't like is this royal-we nonsense. It was dumb when Leitch did it, and it's dumb here.
  5. Wyshynski
    5. Posted by Wyshynski Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:21 pm EDT

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    @ Doogie --
    Well, it's like two guys who think I suck. I can live with it.
    Er, we mean think we suck, and that we can live with it...
    (All kidding aside, it's not going to become Leitchian.)
  6. Bubbabanjo
    6. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    You dont suck....you're not that bad. You just stink!
  7. Rumpelstilzchen
    7. Posted by Rumpelstilzchen Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:32 pm EDT

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    Ministry composed a hockey song for the Blackhawks, or rather realised a discarded riff was a hockey song in the making. Al Jourgensen gave the song, 'Keys to the City', to the Wirtz family for supporting him back in the day, when he needed just one fix. CBC should enlist KMFDM.
  8. Bubbabanjo
    8. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    I was thinkin Celine Dion in a "We are the World" back bacon extravaganza. "We are the puckheads....its hockey night you hosers......". Brings tears to my ears.
  9. tmr
    9. Posted by tmr Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:04 pm EDT

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    Wysh, I do not think that you suck...
    But your work does resemble tabloid journalism at times. It seems sometimes that the goal of your story is more about inciting reader comment than about a great story (which, ironically, will always stir up reader comment). But what do I know? I'm here in this dead-end job and you have your name up in lights. You shouldn't even care what us bloggers think. We're here aren't we? If you truly stunk at your job, what would that make all of us who waste our company's time blogging on these topics? WE ARE THE REAL LOSERS!!! YOU ARE A JOURNALISTIC gOD!!
  10. azac
    10. Posted by azac Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:01 pm EDT

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    Love the Consumer Goods version. I have to say also that Retro Winnipeg is very astute for picking a tune that really goes well with the montage.
  11. Bubbabanjo
    11. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    Oh god........they've figured it out!!!
  12. Rumpelstilzchen
    12. Posted by Rumpelstilzchen Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:32 pm EDT

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    I fell in love with him after he said Cloutier even sucks at being bought out. I should add I'm the original Cloutier hater, back when he was demoted from the Soo greyhounds to Timmins golden bears (Major Jr. to Jr. A). He sucked in timmins., for the love of god.
  13. Tacks
    13. Posted by Tacks Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:51 pm EDT

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    I think they should just intro with the Benny Hill theme song as the Leafs get off the bus in fast motion, and play Sweet Georgia Brown during the broadcast when the other team is playing keepaway from them.
  14. Wyshynski
    14. Posted by Wyshynski Thu Sep 03, 2009 8:21 pm EDT

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    @ tmr --
    You are not a loser. No one posting a comment about hockey in July on these blogs is a loser. We're the few, the proud, the puckheads who give a toss when the weather turns warm.
    As for the tabloid angle, I've always said that you have to take the day into consideration as a whole: If we're posting between 8-10 articles a day, some of them are going to be Hilary Duff/Sean Avery-like posts and others are going to be like the breakdown of Lowe/Burke and the Bertuzzi signing, that deal with numbers and analysis. It's a balance I think we strike more often than not.
    And sometimes it's just fun to see a bunch of people with too much time on their hands write a theme song for a hockey show.
  15. Bubbabanjo
    15. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    Wyshynski....maybe you just need some Old Spice.
  16. tmr
    16. Posted by tmr Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:04 pm EDT

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    Good points all around Wyshynski. Thanks for the affirmation too. I was on the brink...
  17. lurdane22
    17. Posted by lurdane22 Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:00 pm EDT

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    Didn't this all start (hockey theme being dropped) because HNIC didn't want to pay the royalities? But then turn around and pay $100k CAD for crap? They should just open with Red Foreman saying "dumbass" about 50 times.
  18. Rumpelstilzchen
    18. Posted by Rumpelstilzchen Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:32 pm EDT

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    Stompin tom connors 'Good ol' hockey game' must be the new song, despite its honkiness. I met Stompin. Canadians worship him, y'all.
  19. Sean
    19. Posted by Sean Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:28 pm EDT

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    Ugh.
    They should pick up the phone and find out if the Neverending White Lights deal with the CFL for the Always video was exclusive.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS1jCfg7Qxc

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