"Hello fans, and welcome to the TD Banknorth Garden for an exciting night of Bruins hockey! Please keep in mind there is no smoking inside the arena and, for your safety, please remain alert for pucks that leave the playing surface. Oh, and also watch out for warm streams of urine originating from potentially masturbatory fans seated in your section. That too..."

Boy, just when you think you've heard it all, along comes news of 40-year-old Walter Cutler's arrest on Sunday during the Canadiens/Bruins Game 3 for "Open and Gross Lewdness and Disorderly Conduct." As the Boston PD wrote in its review titled "'Black and Gold' Covered in Yellow" -- finally, a goofy police report headline that would make both Carey Mahoney and R. Kelly giggle -- Cutler was clearly drained from all this playoff action:

During the Bruins game, officers' attentions were drawn by numerous event goers as well as event staff to the upper seat section. Officers responded there and were directed to an individual in the stands. Officers were informed that the noted individual had been observed reaching into his pants with his hands and manipulating his hands inside his pants. According to event staff and event guests, the suspect then exposed himself and started urinating on event guests causing then to become hysterical and attempt to escape from the confined area.

Wow...went to a hockey game and a GG Allin concert broke out. Cutler was scheduled to be arraigned on Monday on charges he was a wicked pissah, and hopefully we learn a bit more about this incident in the near future. As Barstool Sports points out, the police failed to inform concerned citizens whether Cutler was hosing off the locals or the invading Habs fans. What we do know is that, incredibly, this didn't happen over in the Devils/Rangers love-fest; and that Harry Sinden is clearly no longer the only one pissed in this series.