November 16, 2011
An epic tangle of facial fur that can be seen from low Earth orbit, or at the very least from Bemidji. A mustache so powerful that it barely moves during one of Cal Clutterbuck's(notes) 3.8 hits per game; or, if the Minnesota Wild are playing at home, his 38 hits per game.
Alas, Clutterbuck is one of those players who already had a head-start, rocking the 'stache well before November began. This doesn't diminish the glory of it, but it does place him outside our 10 Greatest NHL Mustaches for Movember 2011, which does favor a blank canvas before the growing begins.
Just like last season, we'll reveal the 10 best at the end of the month, but felt it appropriate to give this progress report as we reach the middle of the Movember race. We've no doubt missed a few, and feel free to alert us in the comments. But overall, we feel these 10 NHL players ... OK, NHL people ... are an impressive lot.
And here ... we ... go.
The Capitals defenseman makes the list as a representative of all the fair-haired players in the League attempting to participate in Movember, and because we know he's going to move up the ranking by month's end. No one can sprout this Chia Pet on their face during the playoffs and not be a solid contender for 'Stache of the Season eventually.
9. Ron Wilson, Toronto Maple Leafs
One of two coaches on the list so far this year. We're not entirely sure if it's the Leafs' struggles this month of the spirit or Movember filling his follicles, but Ron Wilson appears to be slowly morphing into Wilfred Brimley. Kessel's being fueled by Quaker Oats! We knew it!
A classic, of course. It's not really out of the ordinary to see Thomas rock the 'stache, but it remains one of the better ones in the NHL. No truth to the rumor that he's grown it out just so he can eventually tear it off and beat Patrick Kaleta(notes) if he runs Thomas next week.
Also, Timmay earns a spot here by virtue of having his mask participate in Movember as well.
Price doesn't gain any points for originality, having done the same 'stache last season. But consider this one the "Saturday Night Live" sketch of NHL facial hair: Repetitive but ultimately rewarding. Unless it's Kristen Wiig as the Target Lady. Please no more of that ever.
Tough break for Burns here. Taken on its own, this is the kind of quality mustache you'd expect to see resting on the brim of a can of Milwaukee's Best. But his mustache was so [expletive] nutty last year, it's impossible not to feel like the 2011 version didn't live up to standards.
Full marks to reader Jordan Anseeuw for pointing us in the direction of this Jets forward. Zach Bogosian(notes) gets some attention for his Movember effort. But McArdle's Richard Pryor-like 'stache is simply outstanding. What better way to honor the opening of the new Muppets movie than by looking like Gordon from Sesame Street?
One of the first Movember mustaches we noticed, and still one of the best halfway through the month. Anytime your 'stache is groomed to resemble a Recognizer from "TRON", you're alright by us.
3. Dan Bylsma, Pittsburgh Penguins
"Disco" Dan Bylsma is sporting a duster that makes him look like a high school history teacher and/or Jude Law as Dr. Watson. Maybe he can get Sherlock on the case of Paul Martin(notes) and the Missing Plus Rating.
It's like he went to bed as Vernon Fiddler and woke up as Robin Williams from "The Birdcage." A very impressive 'stache … but not the most impressive and/or creepiest.
Jagr's Movember effort earns the top spot because he dared to go with the Fu Manchu. From CSN Philly:
Jagr was discussing his contribution to Movember, a Fu Manchu that's received a lot of positive feedback from Flyers fans. Jagr said he elected to go with the Fu Manchu because he'd look kind of funny and bad — as opposed to just bad, which he figured he'd look if he had only a mustache.
Then he added: "If I had only a mustache I'd look like that guy." He was pointing at Inquirer writer Sam Carchidi. Jagr grinned and added, "porno!
If only. Another look at Jagr's 'stache:
We're also giving Jagr the clubhouse lead because we've seen how very wrong his facial hair can get; for example, when he had a fro hawk on his face with the Rangers.
(Honorable Mention: Everyone on Jonas Hiller's mask.)
We've no doubt missed a player in your town, so please let us know: Who did we snub, and who deserves a second look when we update the rankings at the end of the month.