October 25, 2010
(UPDATE: The full GQ piece is here in all its Ovechkin on the prowl/making out with multiple ladies splendor.)
It is said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So when the beholder is Alex Ovechkin(notes) of the Washington Capitals and his eyes are fixated on someone who looks like this, it's understandable that 99 percent of the other women on the face of the Earth may not measure up to his specifications.
Perhaps, then, the good and decent ladies of the greater Washington D.C. area and other NHL ports of call shouldn't fret over Ovie's latest bit of candor in the new issue of GQ (the one with the scandalous photos with the cast of "Glee" inside), in which he places Russian women on a pedestal and American women on a scale.
From Russian Machine Never Breaks, which had several excerpts from Michael Idov's reporting from Russia:
If Ovechkin's exploits don't reach American tabloids, perhaps that's because he's simply not into American girls. "If you compare Russia and America," he explains sagely, "they are two different worlds. People, cars, clothes. Girls' figures. Especially girls' figures. Why do you think that is, that when an American goes to Russia for a week, he stays for two extra weeks? Girls! And when a Russian goes to America for a week, he leaves in five days. I'm serious! There's a statistic! [RMNB Ed Note: I'm dubious.] Ask any American about Russia. You know what they'll say."
The conversation ends abruptly. Ovechkin's dangerous-looking friend Magomet, whom Alex has been texting throughout our talk (he texts nonstop, with prodigious smileys), has rolled up in an Audi SUV painted a scabrous matte black. For a while, we cruise down Tverskaya. Each time he sees a pretty girl walking by, Ovechkin shouts "BOOM!" at the top of his lungs.
Clearly we've been doing this all wrong: Here we thought women like smiles and compliments, but evidently Ovie's way to a women's heart is by driving past her and sounding like the blasting zone at a rock quarry.
Now, Ovechkin isn't the first Russian-born NHL player to wish they all could be Krasnoyarsk girls; hell, he's not even the first Washington Capitals player. Please recall goalie Semyon Varlamov's(notes) interview with OK! Magazine last year, in which he said the following:
Have any personal admirers emerged?
"I have a true love, so I don't look at any other women. You know, I'm extremely fortunate that I met a Russian girl in America. It's difficult to look at a lot of the local women. You get the feeling that just don't take care of themselves! There are an awful lot of heavyset ones. But Russian girls have nice trim figures. I couldn't imagine myself being with an American girl."
In fairness, American girls couldn't imagine seeing Varlamov finish a postseason without self-destructing like a Russian spy satellite reentering the atmosphere, so they're even.
Meanwhile, we eagerly await the chance to look back on this post when Ovechkin inevitably meets and marries an American girl. After all it was a great big world, with lots of places to run to. And if she had to die tryin', she had one little promise she was gonna keep ...