September 30, 2010
Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in a future installment.
After goalie Nikolai Khabibulin(notes) was given a 30-day jail sentence for "extreme DUI," he told reporters that "this is something I wish I didn't have to deal [with] and I spent a lot of time dealing with it this summer."
Well, this is how one Edmonton Oilers fan is dealing with it: By plastering Khabibulin's blood alcohol content -- which was more than double the legal limit in Arizona -- on the back of a jersey for a 2010-11 preseason game.
Puck Buddy Erik M. called this "a blatant jersey foul," but we're not sure. There's something to be said for the wicked mockery of someone's self-destructive behavior.
This could be also be classified as a Protest Jersey if the Oilers fan felt management erred in bringing Khabibulin to Edmonton or acted irresponsibly during his legal troubles.
We will ask this, however: If you're using a pen and tape, how do you not put some kind of play on words about his B.A.C. number on the nameplate? Like "Khabi-blew-an" or something?
Eh, it's preseason for Jersey Fouls, too.
Unless it's Mike Modano's mother, in which case ... nah, still a Foul.
(Coming Up: Hartford Whalers delusion; an odd Mario Lemieux Foul; awful Blackhawks Frankenjersey; number problems for Ovie; profane Fouls from San Jose and Buffalo; our first animal Jersey Foul; and a Toronto Maple Leafs Foul that is quite The Situation.)
And here ... we ... go.
Plus, we have to give him demerits for not carrying through the theme, as he apparently isn't attending the game solo.
Oh, there's a lot not to like about this Chicago Blackhawks Foul. From Sean in San Jose, who snapped the image last postseason:
"Certainly up there with the worst I've ever seen at the Shark Tank, which is definitely saying something. This Blackhawks jersey not only has Ed Belfour's nickname on the back rather than his actual name, (any mention of Belfour would probably be enough to start a riot in San Jose) but it's also a Frankenjersey and the font is completely wrong. It was only made worse by the short shorts, gray hair and gold earrings."
Seriously. Now, had he opted for sterling silver earrings ...
From Puck Buddy John, here's a Devils fan who mistakenly purchased a Blackhawks jersey (our theory, at least). From John:
Neutral Zone guy strikes me as someone who thinks they are pretty [expletive] clever. Same could probably be said about me. Still a [expletive] jersey nonetheless.
We wonder if this is part of some grander obsessive compulsive jersey collection that details every facet of the rink; like he's got a white 'Hawks jersey with "Faceoff Dot" and a Chicago Wolves jersey with "End Boards" on the back in his closet, too. "Hmmm ... should I go with the 'Penalty Box Door' or 'Trapezoid' sweater tonight ..."
An Atlanta Thrashers Fail from Puck Buddy Stefan. Guess "Capt. Subtle" was aready taken.
Oh, hey, look: a jersey honoring the Hartford Whalers' 1991 season, and perhaps their captain Randy Ladouceur!
Wait a minute here ...
Does that say ...
W. T. F?
Puck Buddy Jason C. sent over this completely bizarre Steven Stamkos(notes) Foul that seems to have been introduced into our timeline from an alternate universe; as if Barry Melrose traveled back in time and drunkenly stepped on a butterfly.
Puck Buddy Kurt Y. had a shot of this Jersey Foul in its natural habitat (the arena concourse):
Granted, every name looks awesome when placed on the sweater of the Mighty Whale. But you could smoke meth and listen to "Brass Bonanza" for 48 hours straight and still come up with saner ideas than this.
We've had more egregious Fouls than this Minnesota Wild No. 99 "King Wild" sweater. But you're seeing it here for one reason: It's the first Jersey Foul we've ever had captured via Google Earth, as submitted by Raeanne G.
Just a reminder that none of you are safe. NONE OF YOU! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!
From the San Jose Sharks Jersey Foul Society, the name on this one is a little obscured, so we'll turn the mic over to Sk8ter Zero:
"Forgot this from Yotes/Preds final regular season 09/10 game. Was going to call immediate foul on old school Sharks jersey (of course it's a Sharks foul), but then realized it was Russo-French legend "Jacquesmiov."
Wonder if he knows a guy in Buffalo.
From the Jersey Foul Mecca of the East Coast, a Washington Capitals sweater captured by Jamie V.:
Here's an Ovechkin Jersey Foul. The guy was a few rows in front of us at the Bruins/Caps game on April 5th. I guess he's paying homage to Ovechkin's 65 goals in 2007-08. I'm not sure if he has a jersey for the 112 points as well....
Never liked these Achievement Jerseys. What happens if Ovechkin pops for 66 goals? Keep the jersey? Re-letter it? Get a new one? Hey, here's an idea: Get No. 8 on the back and never have to frackin' worry about it.
Via a now-expired eBay auction comes this Mario Lemieux sweater that manages to mash-up two different eras of Penguins hockey. From Puck Buddy Bryan:
"I thought you might enjoy this jersey foul I found on eBay today. It is a Mario Lemeiux jersey style from up to 1992 with the 1993 'pigeon' Penguin logo on the front and shoulders."
It might be blasphemous to say it, but it's not the worst-looking jersey we've ever seen. But it is a Foul for, you know, never actually existing during Mario's career.
Puck Buddy Erika P. sent this in and hoped that the "custom" Philadelphia Flyers jersey she created for her horse, Montana, would get a pass.
We can see no reason why it wouldn't, as long as the back of it doesn't read "Seabiscuit Sucks 69" or some such.
And it's a total pass if it's a Brind'Amour jersey.
But what say you on the horse sweater: Yea or ... uh ... neigh?
And finally ...
From Puck Buddy Ian D. comes this Maple Leafs sweater that only a Jersey Shore muscle-head could love. (GTL: gym, tanning, Leafs?)
Is this a homemade chop job? Is this something that's actually sold in retail outlets? Is it mandatory that someone dressed head to toe in cliché NHL Shop pink hang around as an accessory?
Does it even qualify as a hockey jersey anymore; and if so, how long before BizNasty adopts this Ricky Vaughn-esque look?
All that said: If Brian Burke's preaching truculence, a sleeveless muscle sweater and backwards cap could be the team's next third jersey ...