Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
We haven't quite figured out if the whole "urinal photography" thing is a tribute to the addictive qualities of Foul Huntin' at the local ice rink or just ultra-creepy.
Either way, we're happy Christos (a.k.a. "SENSaholic") sent over this image, writing us:
"The kind of jersey that doesn't make you upset, but rather makes you laugh. What was upsetting was when the flash went off as I took the pic, he wasn't pleased!
"So … Pass or Fail? (I personally deserve a fail for taking a pic of a guy as he's pissing though.)"
Oh, what a prude. What guy doesn't enjoy taking a leak in a public men's room and having flashbulbs firing as if Lindsay Lohan just came stumbling out of a Hollywood bar at 3 a.m.?
As for the jersey, we're guessing it's an attempt to tie together the joys of hockey with the joys of beer. But seeing any kind of Stanley Cup affixed to an Ottawa Senators jersey is a Foul upon a Foul.
This one's actually a little tricky. Were it just to say "NO TEETH" and then the number, it's a Non-Accepted Nickname Foul.
(We're still trying to figure out if Accepted Nicknames are a Foul; an Edmonton Oilers No. 99 THE GREAT ONE sweater, for example.)
This is a proper Keith jersey, augmented by the nickname. So we turn it over to the jury: Pass or Fail?
(Coming Up: Joe Thornton(notes) protest/Nathan Horton(notes) tribute; Sidney Crosby(notes) All-Star oddities; a Wild Foul that's not a Foul; Lightning/Red Wings FrankenJersey; a bedazzled Detroit monstrosity; what not to wear under a jersey; BALLS!; and possibly the most expensive Foul we've ever run.)
And here … we … go.
From reader Mike Reiss at the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup parade, here's a Joe Thornton jersey repurposed into a Nathan Horton jersey. Well done, right down to the cheapo electrical tape solution for the number. Pass.
From reader Ian, some New York Rangers fans in San Jose:
From the Land of the Jersey Foul, AKA the Shark Tank, I spotted these two Rangers fans Saturday night. Not sure if they're Ocho Cinco fans or what but I asked if they would pose and they were so proud of themselves. Do they know how dumb they look? Apparently Ignorance is bliss and also you don't need to be a Shark's fan to commit epic fouls.
A FrankenJersey from reader Andre that really sort of blows our mind:
"Just came back from a trip to Florida to watch the Wings play the Lightning and Panthers, where I saw this gem of wtf-awesomesauce in Tampa. I'm just hoping against all hope that somebody finds the other half of this abortion, and sends you pics of what must be a sweet #46 'Zetteouis' jersey."
While it's nice to know that Henrik Zetterberg(notes) of the Detroit Red Wings and Martin St. Louis(notes) of the Tampa Bay Lightning mean that much to this fan, this is Foul city. Jerseys aren't ice cream shops: You love vanilla and chocolate, you combine them to make something swirly and delicious; you love Hank and you love Marty, you combine them to create this stupid thing.
Yzerman doesn't make this right.
Sometimes it's good to remind ourselves that not every Foul is a Foul. From Fr. Nels Gjengdahl:
"I was recently at a Minnesota Wild game and I spotted the jersey '148th FW' '09 and had a little trouble figuring out what it was. At first I thought it was a foul.
"After a little poking around I found out that this was the jersey that the 148th Fighter Wing from the Air Force. They had these jerseys made to celebrate Hockey Day Minnesota even though they were over in Iraq serving that day. They had an outdoor hockey game (street hockey) that day in celebration.
"Now, apparently one of those who served has returned and is proudly wearing his jersey to the games at the X."
We've established that there is a Military Exception for Fouls, and this falls under that. Thanks to all who serve and probably still own a variety of guns, so we're never calling you out for a Jersey Foul, no way no how.
From Puck Daddy reader Kenny:
I came across this jersey from a production company that makes the NHL team jerseys... it's a 2011 Blue Team CROSBY jersey.
Crosby supposed to captain the Blue Team instead? Then where's the "C"? Or were teams pre-determined and the draft just entertainment hype?
Just wanted to share, what an anomaly jersey foul this would be to have… and only for $45!!!
As you can see from the comparison above, the Sidney Crosby jerseys are more than a slight variation on what was actually worn in the 2011 NHL All-Star Game. Which would be Clue No. 2 that it's a knockoff. Clue No. 1 would be the fact that we saw more of Deven Dark at the All-Star Game than Sid.
This image from Cameron Gorski of a Dallas Stars fan isn't a Foul in and of itself, but it does bring up a discussion we haven't had here yet: What to wear under white sweaters.
"I'm not sure if this one counts and the picture isn't great. The guy is wearing a Morrow T-shirt under his jersey with the name and number showing through. Even if it isn't a foul I thought it was a little funny …"
Personally, we find it distracting to see a white sweater under which some gaudy logo is visible. How much attention do you give the gear you wear under a jersey to the game?
Uh … wow. Reader Raechel has the lowdown on this Detroit Red Wings bedazzled classic:
A friend captured this jersey foul at the Detroit vs. Edmonton game March 11th. This woman was wearing a black Red Wings jersey with sequin-embellished red and white stripes at the bottom of the jersey as well as along the sleeves. The back is adorned with 19 numbers of notable Red Wings and each is separated by a red or white gem.
Perhaps the best part is the sequined "Al the Octopus" gracing the left sleeve, that we sadly could only get a really blurry picture of.
To quote my friend, "Artistry and Jersey Foul clashing together in beauterific proportions...We saw this woman earlier at the casino, and since cameras are frowned upon in casinos, I was a little sad. But I happened to be walking around the concourse of the Joe and BAM, history will be made."
Do you believe in sequins?
You know, wearing a jersey like this takes some … courage. From 'jdhockeyguy':
The second is at Game 1 of last year's Calder Cup Final. I'm fairly certain that there isn't a player on either the Bears or Stars named after a feature of the male genitalia. Otherwise he has wickedly awful parents. It took me some staring and contemplating that the "L's" are actually "T's" which half makes up for it. But then again this jersey is neither a Bears or Stars Jersey, and the number at quick glance could be 69.
So I'd say all around total fail for 1) looks like Balls 2) 89 at quick glance is 69 3) the jersey is most likely customized, and 4) its not a jersey of either team playing. Fail?
Think you answered your own question there, chief.
And finally …
The priciest Jersey Foul we've ever run. From the eBay seller of this Toronto Maple Leafs jersey:
This is a must for the serious Toronto or Maple Leafs fan. A vintage jersey signed by eight survivors from the Leafs last Stanley Cup Championship in 1967. A limited edition of only 8. This one is #8/8. Super rare. Comes with holograms and COA from JIC Sports, a reputable authenticator. Autographs are: Red Kelly, Johnny Bower, Bobby Baun, Eddie Shack, Ron Ellis, Jim Pappin, Larry Jeffery, and Larry Hillman.
The price was $1,295, and it did not sell. Not even to a Habs fan that really, really wanted to rub it in by wearing this to a game.