Fri Dec 18 09:46am EST
Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, e-mail a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installments.
In some NHL cities, certain Jersey Fouls take on a Bigfoot/Loch Ness Monster quality; in the sense that we receive emails testifying that the jerseys have been witnessed, but they're rarely if ever captured on film. (We may need to compile a Puck Daddy Jersey Foul Safari at some point in an effort to chronicle these fabled creatures.)
This hideous "Brassacek" jersey has been mentioned by over a dozen Columbus Blue Jackets fans in the last few months, but Edward F. was the first to capture a clear image of this elusive Foul honoring Derick Brassard(notes) (16) and Jakub Voracek(notes) (93):
"I'm been looking for the Brassacek guy for a while -- my brother said he was in the upper bowl somewhere -- and he just suddenly was in front of me walking to the arena. I'm going to say foul, because the design gives the impression of indecisiveness, rather than the desire to honor two payers. The names and numbers are swapped too -- Brassard has the left of the name and the right of the number."
"I'm going to say foul?" Oh, sorry, we didn't even realize there was the potential for debate. Especially when the numerical sequence doesn't even fit the nameplate. He looks like either a fraction gone wrong or a misguided attempt at quoting a biblical passage.
Speaking of misguided, know this: You cannot wear an Islanders jersey with a Rangers hat. You cannot wear a Flames jersey with an Oilers hat. And for the love of Tocchet, you cannot wear a Pittsburgh Penguins hat with a Philadelphia Flyers jersey under any circumstances.
Don't care if you want to honor your favorite player. Don't care if you want to honor a former Penguin. Don't care if you're a member of the Heinz family married to one of Bobby Clarke's kin. As The 700 Level wrote in publishing this Foul: "Seriously, a Penguins hat and a Flyers jersey? That's almost as bad as the born-and-raised-in-Philly Cowboys fan. Almost."
(Coming Up: A very odd Minnesota Wild Foul; NASCAR meets the Washington Capitals; protesting greed from Marian Hossa(notes) and Phil Kessel(notes); the Flyers draw a blank; and a Mario Lemieux jersey that might not be as Foul as you'd think.)
And here ... we ... go.
Please recall a previous Protest Jersey that mocked the treasure Brian Burke had to surrender to the Boston Bruins for the rights to Phil Kessel. This one is less concerned with mocking the Toronto Maple Leafs than skewering Kessel for pricing himself out of Boston.
Puck Buddy Zach B. snapped this as soon has he sat down for Kessel's return to Boston as a Leaf. It's more memorable than anything he did in that game or the following one against the B's, that's for sure.
Chris W. sent over this snappy number:
"This is a combination of a Frankenjersey, along with a 'Stanley 99' cup jersey... Enjoy!"
As a Frankenjersey alone ... maybe. Popping the "Stanley 99" on the back is a Foul because, unless our eyes deceive us, the Dallas Stars didn't actually wear either of those sweaters when winning the Cup. What, no love for these duds?
Now this is an interesting one. We were ready to drop the hammer on this Mario Lemieux Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins jersey because ... well, because Mario never played a game in the AHL, for example.
Make that a regular season game. In Sept. 2001, Lemieux played an exhibition game for the Baby Pens, according to Third String Goalie:
Lemieux wore three jerseys that night, one each period, which were then auctioned off for charity with the proceeds being donated to various charitable causes, including the Twin Towers Fund, organized following the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington D. C. just 11 days prior.
So as much as we might have felt the other way upon first glance: PASS.
Thanks to Derrick D. from snagging this.
Look, it's a Foul to begin with because the dude's name is "Gilmour," not "Douggie." But beyond that: Former Toronto Maple Leafs star Doug Gilmour's nickname was "Killer." How the hell do you opt for "Douggie" over "Killer"?!
Thanks to DJ B. for the image.
Another fascinating Foul, this time in reference to the Minnesota Wild's new third jerseys. From Puck Buddy Gary B.:
"If not [a Jersey Foul], it's definitely a JC Penney FAIL. Full price for the new 3rd sweater, with the name of a guy who never wore it and hasn't played here in 2 years on the back.
"For the record, I wouldn't pay so much as half price for that gimpy dog's jersey, even if it wasn't a foul - but that's just me..."
We feel a little bad featuring this one, because any other jersey without a name on the back obviously isn't a Foul. But the Philadelphia Flyers' third jerseys have that giant white space on the back, and it just looks stupid if there isn't a name on it. Maybe she can't decide on a player; maybe she's a self-loathing Philly fan to the point where none of them are worthy. But absent a name, it looks like there's a piece of toilet tissue draped across the shoulders.
Thanks to the nameless (spooky!) reader who sent this in.
YEE-HAW! NASCAR FOUL! From Puck Buddy Erica J.:
"I was at lunch earlier today and spotted the attach gem of a jersey screaming at the Redskins/Dallas game. Took some time to realize the beauty in this one. That is actually an old style Capitals jersey, customized with the Lowes 48. An apparent homage to Nascar's Jimmie Johnson #48 car sponsored by Lowes."
We'll take her word for it, because our knowledge of NASCAR is limited to what Jay Busbee and Ricky Bobby have taught us. But until we see the first Alex Ovechkin(notes) race car, we can't endorse this jersey.
(And seriously, NASCAR: What's the hold up? Randy Orton's gotten a signature car before an NHL player? Of course, Orton's car was smashed up by Kofi Kingston, leading to their epic battle at MSG in which Kingston jumped from the crowd and bloodied Orton and ... we've said too much.)
We always applaud judicious use of electrical tape on a Protest Jersey, like this Detroit Red Wings sweater snagged by Puck Buddy Nick D.
That said: Wouldn't you love to know why this fan purchased a Marian Hossa sweater? Dude was on a one-year contract, and there was no promise he'd stay in Detroit long-term. We're not arguing the "SUX" part, because Hossa left for a rival's millions and crapped out in the finals last season. But it's like naming a temp employee of the month, you know?