October 16, 2008
(Ed. Note: In case you missed it last week, we have a new weekly feature here on Puck Daddy: 'I Hate My [expletive deleted] Fantasy Team!', in which we vicariously live through two Yahoo! fantasy hockey players as they provide snarky fantasy analysis and their personal pain. This week's author is The Rev. Zamboni from The Palm Isle. Enjoy.)
By The Rev. Zamboni
I missed out on the Foster Hewitt-tinged hockey of youth. No Saturday nights with Hockey Night in Canada, no radio broadcasts.
We had the Binghamton Whalers and a few street hockey games. Peter Sidorkiewicz and the old Broome County War Memorial hold a place in my imagination, but Darryl Sittler and Maple Leaf Gardens they were not.
Regular reader of The Palm Isle knows I do not have cable television this season. It already has proven painful enough that I have taken to the outlaw broadcasts occasionally available on the Internet. But in that wide majority of times they are unavailable (the Islanders do not make for viable streaming audiences, it seems) I am living in a modernized version of an older era, relying on the radio, newspapers, and next-day web summaries of game I do not see.
Possibly in deference to those vintage vibes, as the voices bounce around the rooms of this old house, I find myself wanting to punch everyone on my fantasy team.
I could use the PIMs.
Nothing is happening in the Federal League. We didn't score the first week because we were late to draft. The Bad Habitants I manage are down 4-2 this week, and early returns from Wednesday night do not bode well for a change in scoring. I have a few DTDs, most notably first-round pick Daniel Alfredsson, but I've done this too poorly for too long to start bitching this early. There's plenty of pain to come.
In lieu of legitimate complaints, I'll introduce you to one of the managers who make the Federal League what it is: a great narrative driven by awful fantasy hockey managers.
Meet a Manager: Wasilla MILFs, managed by The Mediocre One
This 30-year-old Irishman with back trouble lives with his parents and still finds the time to serve as commissioner of a league that can't draft on time, changes rosters rules every season, skipped a season of keepers, and features at least one manager each season who cheats and lies and gets away with it until I lose to him and start bitching.
Undeniable truths aside, The Mediocre One is the Federal League's defending champion, and relies on a strong draft-day strategy of ignoring defense, relying on known quantities and drafting Marty Turco every other year.
He's an Islanders fan too, so fantasy is the only hockey outlet that brings him any pleasure.
Let's wish him and Marty some luck this season.
The Rev. Zamboni blogs on The Palm Isle. Join us next Thursday for more.