December 23, 2008
From the Dept. of Self-Congratulatory Nonsense: When The Hockey News told me that Puck Daddy would be featured on its 10th annual "100 People of Power and Influence" list (current issue, sub. required), my immediate reaction was "OK, so who's No. 99?"
Whenever these power lists come out, No. 100 is always the goofball; like Carrot Top making the cut for "The 100 Most Powerful People in Hollywood" or "Me So Horny" ranking last on "The Top 100 Influential Songs of All-Time."
But the Hockey News was all, "no, no ... actually, you're in the 90s." That was about two weeks ago; clearly, our power and influence has plummeted since then. I blame the bobblehead article.
Kidding aside, it's obviously both ridiculous and ridiculously cool* to make this list, as you can tell from my squinty lobotomized smile in the headshot. (Bet the glasses and cigar aren't so bad now, are they?) THN told me I'm the first blogger to be counted among People of Power and Influence; and one of the prime directives here at Puck Daddy is to ensure I won't be the last.
But like Dirk Benedict before me, I'm merely the face of the operation. The blog doesn't suck (or sucks less) thanks to Leahy, Ross McKeon, Matt Romig, Dmitry Chesnokov, Hex and the Rev on the fantasy column, Pagnotta and Spector on the chat and everyone else who has contributed, read, commented or communicated with us since we arrived last April. The readers make the blog what it is; simple as that. Special thanks to Yahoo! blogmaster Jamie Mottram and Yahoo! Sports overlord Dave Morgan for making this all happen.
So with all that said, we'll do the only thing we can do here at Puck Daddy under these unusual circumstances. Which is to tear down and disparage the people ranked in front of us on the list.**
No. 99: Ron Pink
Larry David called, and he wants his look back. Advisory committee? Yeah, some influence there. It's like a human suggestion box, right? Like the one they have at Wendy's so you can complain when your chili is cold? And if Mr. Pink is ranked ahead of us, that means we're Mr. Brown by default. Which is a little too close to Mr. [Expletive].
No. 98: Geoff Sadowy
Alternative summary: Nike ruined Bauer. You win by default.
No. 97: Jeff Finger
It no longer really matters how many people you're ranked in front of on this list when you discover that you're ranked behind Jeff Finger -- a guy who only made the list because he doesn't deserve the money the Toronto Maple Leafs gave him. He's not influential; he's a cautionary tale!
This is obviously some kind of cruel, cosmic punch to Valabik for all the Finger jokes we've made since June. And probably a few of the Sakic/snowblower jokes, too.
What a slice of crap.
No. 96: Richard Bloch
OK, so this dude seems pretty important, actually. And he also seems like someone who knows someone else who could make life pretty hard on us if we talk smack about him. So congratulations, sir; should have been much, much higher, and that's a lovely tie you're wearing as well.
No. 95: Noah Welch
That we're ranked five spots behind a guy donating his brain to science probably says more about blogging than we'd like to admit. Hey, I'm an organ donor; shouldn't that count for something?
Please let the record show that we are only nine people less powerful and influential than Evgeni Malkin. That is all. Thanks again for reading, and making this fun every single day.
* Only this Hockey News coolness could rank ahead of fantasy football team, Mangenius or Mangina, winning its League last night. Viva la Brandon Jacobs!
** Just jokes, people. It's an honor, and congrats to everyone who made the cut. Although we're not sure Jeff Finger will feel all that honored after reading the THN article.