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Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:15 pm EDT

Commissioner Gary Bettman and his 231 portraits in heroism

By Greg Wyshynski

Yikes! This is like that scene in "Empire" when Luke goes into the cave, slices off Darth Vader's head and discovers (spoiler) his own face inside the mask! You have to unlearn everything you believed to be true, recalibrate your moral compass and witness your whole world turned upside-down and all which-a-way.

Those are also the prevailing emotions when viewing this Flickr gallery of entries into our "Gary Bettman: Portraits in Heroism" art contest. We didn't expect over 230 submissions, and we certainly didn't expect them to be this mind-blowingly awesome. Seriously, it's been a gas; thanks to everyone who made it that way.

Myself, Leahy and Smithwick's are already knee-deep in the judging process. Expect a batch of non-winnin'-stuff individual awards on Wednesday morning, and then the announcement of our three place finishers on Wednesday afternoon. We're still open to campaigns rallying support for one piece or another. (And although Leahy is rather unimpeachable, I'll take a bribe faster than a state senator with a hooker problem.)

Take a look at the gallery, let your voice be heard in the comments on this post in regards to winners (and losers), and please suggest any award categories for the contest. Like, for example, the fact that Tim Stabnick already has Most Frightening Use of the Village People locked up. Big time.

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28 Comments

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  1. Brad_Lee
    1. Posted by Brad_Lee Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:10 pm EDT

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    That top photo, that's from the new hit film "Being Gary Bettman." It's just like "Being John Malkovich" except a lot more douchey.
  2. Brad_Lee
    2. Posted by Brad_Lee Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:10 pm EDT

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    So many disturbed Photoshop artists, so little time to look at all of their depravity.
  3. Leahy
    3. Posted by Leahy Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:27 pm EDT

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    Me impeachable? That's unpossible!!
    Anyone who wants to send me a couple of cases of Magner's Irish cider, well you jumped up a notch in my rankings.
  4. Old 7-9er
    4. Posted by Old 7-9er Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:42 pm EDT

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    Unreal - 231 winners!
  5. Blackcapricorn
    5. Posted by Blackcapricorn Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:08 pm EDT

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    I would like to officially kick off the "Go For It, Jews" bandwagon. The impeccable artwork, the religious allusions, Bettman as Moses. If that is wrong, I don't want to be right.
  6. hockeytown blood
    6. Posted by hockeytown blood Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:42 pm EDT

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    well I definitely had a few LOLs at GB as Pee Wee and as BigBoy - a lot better than seeing that twerp musclebound. I think the TIME magazine captures my feelings the best tho... =P
    great work image tweakers...
  7. hooksorpik
    7. Posted by hooksorpik Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:09 pm EDT

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    "Go For It, Jews" FTW
  8. Earl Sleek
    8. Posted by Earl Sleek Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:50 pm EDT

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    Whew, I was totally sure that I was going to lose this contest by not sticking with the "heroism" theme.
    However, now that I see I'm not in the gallery, yes!!! I can't lose!
    (Or at least my loss is like a shootout loss -- I'm totally keeping my guaranteed point).
  9. Wrap Around Curl
    9. Posted by Wrap Around Curl Thu Sep 03, 2009 10:49 pm EDT

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    Well, first thing is eliminate anything that isn't heroic.
    I dig Robert Clancy's. Bettman on the aircraft carrier ala Bush with a giant flying Cros and Marty. That is just full of win.
  10. Michigander21
    10. Posted by Michigander21 Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:35 pm EDT

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    Ok, after seeing so many pics of Bettman's face I have to go. It left me feeling unclean.
  11. Aaron B
    11. Posted by Aaron B Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:42 pm EDT

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    I made it!!!! Go for it jews still is hysterical!
  12. Aaron B
    12. Posted by Aaron B Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:42 pm EDT

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    i made it!!!! go for it jews still is hysterical!
  13. Bennyandthemets
    13. Posted by Bennyandthemets Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:05 pm EDT

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    Bettman as Atreu from The Neverending Story is killing me right now!
    HAHAHAHAHAHA
  14. Sombrero Guy
    14. Posted by Sombrero Guy Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:10 pm EDT

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    I think T-shirts should be made of at least 70 of these.
  15. Bubbabanjo
    15. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    That aint dedication.............I wanna see Winnipeg Jets, Whale Tales and Nord tatoos. Thats dedication!!
    Wyshynski you stink!
  16. Bubbabanjo
    16. Posted by Bubbabanjo Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:05 pm EDT

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    Dang...wrong page! I stink!
  17. gbrobagelman
    17. Posted by gbrobagelman Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:06 pm EDT

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    Excuse me while I R A L P H...................
  18. lostmisery
    18. Posted by lostmisery Thu Sep 03, 2009 6:57 pm EDT

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    My three, not in order:
    Bettman as a sniper (best photoshop I have seen in a long time).
    Bettman as Bobby Orr in mid-air.
    Bettman as Brodeur refusing to shake Sean's hand.
    Lotta good ones, I don't envy you guys ...
  19. ~jai~
    19. Posted by ~jai~ Thu Sep 03, 2009 9:21 pm EDT

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    Ok first off the Pee Wee one should be thrown out, if you don't have to modify a picture for someone to look like him it shouldn't qualify.
  20. kevin s
    20. Posted by kevin s Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:50 pm EDT

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    Thats why Detroit won the cup ,they had Bettman on there side.Talking about a win win situation,they couldn't loose with the commish on there side!!! Talk about fixed.Hell I'm surprised he didn't get MVP.
  21. Jon H
    21. Posted by Jon H Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:45 pm EDT

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    The sniper was a fantastic photoshop, but the one that made me laugh the most was the Bettman as Rosie the Rivetter. Also, even as a Pens fan, the one with Bettman holding Crosby-Rocky one was funny too.
  22. garbage can moochers
    22. Posted by garbage can moochers Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:21 pm EDT

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    time for gary the pacifist bettman to step down and head to his local unemployment office bring back old time hockey hire brett hull for commish firebettman.com.... hockeyfights.com
  23. BD
    23. Posted by BD Thu Sep 03, 2009 3:06 pm EDT

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    Kevin Schultz's one of him on the horse is great. Kevin Sharkey's Jesus-Bettman with Cup is quite good. I also really like Randy Oldfield's Dr. Strangelove piece.
    on the absurd tip: The Capt Crunch one is great. Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes peeing on Bettman is also hilarious. Let's Go Jews is funny too...but sadly it is now the trendy subversive du jour by everyone. Yes, I'm fickle. I vote Matt Murray's Knock-Out Piece
  24. Adam Jones
    24. Posted by Adam Jones Thu Sep 03, 2009 2:45 pm EDT

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    My vote: Secret Invasion.
  25. Michigander21
    25. Posted by Michigander21 Thu Sep 03, 2009 4:35 pm EDT

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    As I mentioned before, I got no photoshop skills. But I would have liked to see a photoshop of the scene from "Star Wars" Where Luke is rescuing the princess on the Death Star and she says "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" With Bettmans head instead of Luke's. It covers the "hero" requirement and is a nice shot at his stature (which goes deeper than his actual height). But alas, I ain't got no photoshop skills.

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