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My Dirty Little Tim Tebow Fantasy: A Fan’s Take
Here's how it starts. Tebow, dignified throughout the whole turn of events in Denver, arrives at New York Jets camp ready to silence critics.
There to greet him are videographers from the HBO show Hard Knocks (a realistic possibility, according to a recent comment from Jets owner Woody Johnson). The cameras shadow Tebow throughout stiff competition in camp. The nation tunes in as Tebow routinely outperforms current Jets starting QB Mark Sanchez.
Then, with the drama at its peak, Sanchez pulls up lame after a throw in practice. Team doctors shelve him for a few weeks to rest what they call a "dead arm." It looks to the world like a "dead end."
Poised and prepared, Tebow skippers the Jets' ship through the pre-season. Surprising with improved mechanics, Tebow somehow still sparks the rest of the team to overachieve.
All the while, Hard Knocks airs footage of Tebow demurring to Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan's course persona. Each episode also highlights endearing moments from Tebow's budding romance with Swift. The two take it slow, make dates of hand-holding Central Park strolls, and log hours serving the poor at a local food pantry. Mothers (and sponsors) everywhere go more gaga than Gaga.
Then, just before the regular season, Sanchez reemerges from shoulder rehab. His arm looks electric. It's the brilliant Sanchez we've occasionally glimpsed the past two years. Everyone's impressed.
Coach Ryan calls Tebow into his office. "Timmy," he says. "I'm starting Mark."
Tebow stares ahead, half disbelieving he's losing out again, half resigned to it.
Almost simultaneously, web tabloids begin posting that Taylor Shift was spotted partying with former beaux John Mayer. Pictures, some of them too racy for print, make their way to Twitter.
A heartbroken Tebow quietly breaks it off with Swift. Then he prepares to run 5-10 plays of wildcat offense for the Jets and be a fake-bait watchman on punt plays.
Sanchez botches the opener's first half. The Jets hit the lockerss down 14-0 thanks to two ugly Sanchez pick-6's. Ryan pulls Tebow aside in the locker room.
"Timmy," he says, "I'm giving Mark one more series to show he's not a total *$@# up. Be ready."
The Jets take the kick and Sanchez delivers a pathetic four yards on an incompletion, a RB draw and a fumbled snap.
Ryan grabs Tebow as punt team hits the field. "Timmy," he says, "take the fake and get us a first. Then stay in. You're our QB."
Tebow strides onto the field like a prince. He takes the short-snap and follows blockers right. There's light in a crack-back lane, so Tebow plants his right foot to juke left.
But his toe catches a notch in the turf. There's a loud pop and terrible crunching sound. Tebow flattens to the turf and lays motionless. His foot, ankle and knee ligaments and bones look like they've seen the Second Coming.
Tim Tebow's tumultuous NFL career is over.
But my fantasy has just begun.
A dejected Tebow pays his old coach Urban Meyer a visit at his new digs in Columbus. The hold comrades share some emotional words about hopes, disappointments and God. Meyer raves about the thrill of being an Ohio State Buckeye.
Then, pouncing, Myer invites Tebow to join his staff as an assistant quarterbacks coach. Following a night to pray on it, Tebow meets Coach Meyer before sunrise at the Woody Hayes Practice Facility.
"Coach," he says, "I'm in."
Together, the pair orchestrate undeniable strategic and recruiting superiority. Meyer retires five years later with three more national championships and an undefeated record against the Michigan Wolverines. Tebow takes over and, with Joe-Pa-esque longevity, guides the Buckeyes to decades of Big Ten dominance and ethical conduct.
Okay, it's a fantasy no more realistic and no less shameful than any normal guy's Taylor Swift daydream. But then again, I'm no normal guy.
I'm a Buckeye fan.
So let's hear it: What are your Tim Tebow fantasies?
S. Alexander Cooke is a lifelong fan of Ohio State Buckeyes football and the Chicago Bears. He would never actually wish injury upon anyone.
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