Christmas Miracles that Are More Probable Than the Chicago Bears Shutting Out the Green Bay Packers: Fan’s Trash Talk

The Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears will face off on Christmas Night during the 2011-12 NFL season. The Packers are coming off their first loss of the season in a 19-14 upset from the Kansas City Chiefs. The Packers' offense became stagnant after they lost three of their four best offensive tackles. They're also without their starting running back (James Starks) and go-to wide receiver (Greg Jennings).

The Bears defense has always been tough against the Packers 'offense. Since 2009, they've held the Packers' offense to fewer than 22 points in five of the past six meetings. The Packers only scored 10 points in last season's regular-season finale.

Now if you're confident enough in the Bears shutting out the Packers? You might get a rebate that covers the purchase of a car.

A car dealership called Sawicki Motors in Rochelle, Illinois, has started a promotion. They'll rebate the purchase price of any automobile that's bought from their car lot from December 16, 2011, to December 23. The catch is that the Packers can't score any points against the Bears on Christmas night.

The promotion has done what general manager Ron Matula wanted: increase exposure for Sawicki Motors. Regardless, there are many improbabilities in Chicago sports that would happen before the Bears' hold the Packers to zero points.

Santa Claus might need some help from Matt Flynn with this list of Christmas miracles.

The Chicago Bears And Green Bay Packers Will Combine For Two Points

The Pro Football Hall of Fame recognizes five games that ended in a 2-0 score. The Bears and Packers were involved in the last two games during the 1930s. The Packers had a 2-0 victory over the Bears on October 16, 1932. The Bears defeated the Packers 2-0 on September 18, 1938.

The Chicago Bears Will Score Exactly Four Points

The Racine Legion had some strange scores against Chicago teams during the 1923 NFL season. The Chicago Bears handed them their first loss of the season with a 3-0 loss. However, that wasn't as bizarre as the Legion's 10-4 victory later in that season against the Chicago Cardinals.

Maybe the Cardinals hit a grand slam? The Chicago Cubs have a better chance of hitting a grand slam in this game when compared to the Bears' ability of shutting out the Packers' offense.

Josh McCown Will Have More Touchdown Passes Than Aaron Rodgers

Most of them will be completed to players on the Packers' defense.

Shawn Slocum Will Outcoach Dave Toub

Packers special teams coordinator Shawn Slocum's job is easy since he has the NFC's leading vote-getter for special teams (via fan votes), Jarrett Bush. I'd just love to know why stuff like this happens.

Barack Obama Will Trade Aaron Rodgers To The Chicago Bears Via An Executive Order

President Obama has probably learned that a certificate of stock in the Packers is more useless than the United States Congress or the Electoral College when there are more than two parties involved in a presidential election.

Chicago Will Host The Summer Olympics

Just not anytime before 2024.

If Lovie Smith Didn't Think This Was A Must-win Game For The Chicago Bears

I wonder if Lovie Smith would now consider that divisional loss against the Detroit Lions as a "Must-win game?"

Terrell Owens Will Sign With The Chicago Rush

With Jerry Angelo's inability to find a go-to wide receiver for Rex Grossman, Kyle Orton and Jay Cutler over the past decade, it'd be funny if the best wide receiver in Chicago happened to play in the Arena Football League. An AFL tandem of Roy Williams and Terrell Owens might have some success with the Chicago Rush. Maybe.

Albert Pujols Will Still Haunt The Chicago Cubs

That's not necessarily a bad thing. That would mean that the Cubs are winning National League pennants with Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer. I wonder who fans of the St. Louis Cardinals would cheer for in a World Series between the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Cubs?

Commissioner Scrooge (Roger Goodell) Won't Fine Anyone This Holiday Season

Happy Holidays!

Sam Hurd Will Have a "Johnny Jolly Christmas"

The sad part is that I wouldn't be surprised if they were busted again if they were given another opportunity.

Brett Favre Will Come Out Of Retirement And Play For The Chicago Bears

The feud between Ted Thompson and Favre is tied at two. Time to settle this once and for all!

Jerry Angelo Will Win A Super Bowl As General Manager Of The Chicago Bears

Some Bears fans might argue that this has the same probability of happening as the Packers' offense getting shut out or the Bears having any playoff hopes remaining after Christmas night:

No chance.

Joshua Huffman grew up in Michigan's Upper Peninsula as a Green Bay Packers and Chicago Cubs enthusiast. His favorite Packer moments include Super Bowl XXXI, XLV, and Al Harris interception return following Matt Hasselbeck's "We're gonna score" comments. As a Packers and Cubs fan, he suffered through Steve Bartman and "4th & 26" in a span of three months.

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