Shutdown Corner

If there's anything that the NFL hates more than players having fun, it's players having premeditated fun. Three Miami Dolphins, including Ronnie Brown, have been fined $10,000 each for breaking into the "Cupid Shuffle" after a Brown touchdown against the Chargers.

I remember seeing Brown and a couple of linemen dance after a score, but at the time, it didn't register with me as premeditated. I thought it was just three adult men in tight pants, frolicking about in the grass in a spontaneous and celebratory way. Where's the harm in that?

But Brown admitted to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel that the Cupid Shuffle was rehearsed, and they had practiced it ahead of time. Even though it didn't draw a flag on the play, upon further review by the league office, each player involved will be coughing up $10,000.

That's not a problem for Ronnie Brown or Vernon Carey, but Ikechuku Ndukwe makes the league minimum. That's a large chunk of change for a dance that I didn't even recognize as premeditated. The lesson here? Practice harder and choreograph better.

Jake Long was originally scheduled to be a member of the dance team, but dropped out at the last second, because he didn't want to be fined. Jake Long, being no fun? Why, I don't believe it!

You can see Long opting out of the Shufflefest and Ronnie Brown and his teammates breaking it down, by clicking right here (skip ahead to about the 5:30 mark).

I'm embarrassed to say that I didn't immediately recognize the Cupid Shuffle in action. I'd like to blame it on bad dancing, but I can't. This one's on me, gang. I let my membership into the Cupid Fan Club lapse, and I'm embarrassed about that. When I let things like that happen, I break the trust that I have with you, the valued reader. I owe it to you to know Cupid better.

Heck, I didn't even know there was a Cupid Shuffle. This song was released back in February of 2007, and I had no idea. That's one year, seven months, and 8 days ago ... which means if it hasn't swept the nation by now, it's probably not going to. Maybe the league ought to tack on an extra $1,000 on to the fine for doing an old, lame dance.

Here's Cupid and his "famous" Shuffle. I'm not sure which part of this Brown and fabulous dance troop were recreating.

I've never found crotch-hitting to be all that funny. Oh sure, videos of a toddler swinging a plastic baseball bat right into dad's special area are good for a cheap laugh, but think of who's on the other end of that laugh: the dad who got hit in the junk. 

It is with this, that I hesitantly, and squirmingly, pass along the following information: Pro Football Talk reports that the "undisclosed illness" which has befallen Browns TE Kellen Winslow is one that has caused his testicles to have swollen to the size of grapefruits. Of grapefruits. Again, this is an unsubstantiated report, so take it with a grain of salt.

There are some very serious conditions that are associated with swollen testicles (cancer included), but the most common cause seems to be an injury to that particular area. Since Winslow is in a profession that probably sees more testicular injuries than, say, accounting, we're hopeful that this is nothing more than a reaction to a kick in the groin. Either way, I think I can speak for all men when I say, "Kellen, we feel your pain... but not literally."

In the meantime, maybe Winslow can put this on his iPod.

Shutdown Corner's weekly look at NFL odds, Over the Lines, derives its name from a quote delivered in the Coen brothers classic The Big Lebowski. In honor of the 10th anniversary of the cult classic, today's edition will feature lines from the film that can vaguely be tied into some of this week's most interesting point spreads.

"Sometimes you eat the bar and, well, sometimes he eats you": St. Louis (+14) at Washington

Two weeks ago, the Redskins were the biggest underdog on the board (+11) for their trip to Dallas. This week, Washington is the biggest favorite on the board (-14) as they welcome the hapless Rams to Washington DC Landover, MD. How often does that ultimate swing happen? I tried to research the question but, getting nowhere, decided to go bowling instead.

"This is what happens when you [fight] a stranger in the [Alps]": New England (+5.5) at San Diego

That line, heavily edited for TV, suits this line, heavily edited for Matt Cassel and the Pats' trip to the west coast. San Diego is a hard-luck 2-3, while the Pats are a relatively unimpressive 3-1. Factor in the fact that the Pats have been in California since last Friday (they stayed on the left coast following their game in San Francisco) and, voila, 5.5 points. Too bad about Tom Brady though; he really tied the room together.

"It's a league game Smokey": Carolina (+1.5) at Tampa Bay

The award for 'the spread that most flummoxed the oddsmakers this week' goes to this battle between the top two teams in the NFC South. This game opened at +3, the standard "uhh, you decide" line from Vegas. That 1.5 point edge towards Carolina makes this one of six lines this week that has shifted by more than one point since Sunday.

"Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine": Baltmore (+3.5) at Indianapolis

One of those shifted lines, this one has dropped a full 3 points off the opening Baltimore +6.5. This is Vegas's way of saying "pick Indianapolis" which, of course, means that you should pick Baltimore. That's the old Dr. Z special.

"At least I'm housebroken": New York Giants (-7) at Cleveland

This one goes out to the Browns and the other three teams getting points at home (Atlanta, Arizona and San Francisco). The Giants are the undefeated, defending Super Bowl champions, but for a team that had serious playoff aspirations, getting a touchdown at home is yet another sign that things are amiss in Cleveland. It could be worse... they could be flunking social studies.

This is our fourth podcast, and to celebrate, we have absolutely nothing special.

The first subject of discussion is Eddie Hochuli, and what the future might hold for him. We also guess at what the personal lives of other league officials might be like. From there, we turn to Marvin Harrison and the trouble/inconvenience he could be facing, and then there's a great deal of discussion about the trouble I'm having accepting the Chicago Bears as a legitimate team.

Also this week, Danks and I will pick a couple of games against the spread, in a competition that we'll be having that'll last all year long. I am fairly certain, though, that after one week, we'll be tied.

Listen right here:

Or download it right here:

Click to download (13.8 MB, mp3, 30:10)

... or subscribe via this feed.

(Oh, and about the iTunes problem some of you have been having ... I think it was some kind of file format issue, so I used a different program to create the mp3 this week, so it might be fixed. But I have no idea. I am not technologically gifted in these areas, but I'm trying. We'll get it figured out.)

This week, I heard from two different people living in the DC area, both expressing a fear of DC sports talk radio in light of the Redskins comeback victory against the Eagles. Redskins fans, and I know they aren't the only ones, have a tendency to get extremely optimistic, extremely quickly, and extremely vocally.

Further proof of that can be found here, in the lyrics to this song, a Redskins-friendly remix of Low, by Flo Rida, by a fellow named Chris Paul. Paul, and this is awesome, does a new Redskins song every week.

Jason Campbell could be MVP, I think so
Do ya thing, Washington, let's go
Randle-El made a beautiful throw
Cool Chris Cooley took it in for the sco'
Shaun Squeeze'em's leg is made of pure gold
Another NFL East team exposed
Philly don't wanna see this team no mo'
Just like we punched the Cowboys in the nose
It ain't too early to talk Super Bowl

Normally, I'd say that yes, Week 6 is too early to be talking Super Bowl, but you know what? If you record a new rap song for your team every week, even when they're getting beaten down (and that might be his best work, right there) you get special dispensation. The rules don't apply to you, sir.

Please keep making your weekly musical Redskins magic.

Gracias, We're Off to See the Willards.

I try not to get political here at The Corner. Lord knows that many of you work diligently to find reasons to send me angry e-mails, so I don't have to lob reasons out there for you.

But I feel like this warrants a mention. There was a big John McCain rally in Strongsville, Ohio yesterday, and Browns backup quarterback Brady Quinn showed up in full McCainiac mode. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

Never mind that Quinn's popularity is all about image and hope, with little game experience to back it up -- the same qualities McCain accuses Democratic candidate Sen. Barack Obama of at each stop. In Strongsville, he and Palin sent the sharper attacks they have been leveling at Obama this week to the bench and pulled the backup Quinn off it to add a little more pep to an already boisterous rally.

Quinn and Thomas joined McCain, his wife, Cindy, and daughter Megan, along with Palin onstage. Thomas did not speak, but Quinn praised McCain for persevering in his time as a prisoner of war in Vietnam.

"This man has endured great adversity," Quinn said. "Too often we label people heroes. Tonight we have a real hero among us." 

You know, I'd heard something about John McCain being a prisoner of war in Vietnam, but I wasn't sure. I really wish they'd highlight that more often. 

And you know, Brady Quinn went through something similar. It's not a Vietnam prison camp, but he was held prisoner in the NFL Draft's green room for a very long time. Maybe that's where he relates to John McCain.

It's a nice little boost for camp McCain, but there is room for the Obama campaign to counter. Ken Dorsey has yet to go on record with his political endorsement. That could be huge.

Gracias, Deadspin. 

The Cardinals have the Cowboys coming to town this weekend, and when that happens, there's something of a local tradition where hometown Cardinals fans will sell their tickets to Cowboys fans at jacked up prices, and then watch from home.

Kurt Warner has some words for you, Joe Cardinals Fan. From azcentral.com:

"I think it stinks," he said Monday. "It's always hard to tell somebody not to sell something when they can make money on it. But we want our advantage. We've fought hard for that. The fans have done a tremendous job sticking with us and now we're developing something. I just hope we can get to the point where it doesn't matter who comes into this building.

"Whether half the town is from Dallas or anywhere else, Chicago or whatever, that somehow we can turn them into Cardinals fans to the point they say, 'I don't care what you're offering me, I want to go see my Cardinals play.' "

I'd like for that to happen, too. And I don't blame Kurt Warner for wanting that. I'd like for everyone in Arizona to rally behind the Cardinals, buy tickets, keep them, watch the Cardinals win, and then go have a big delicious ice cream cone.

However, it's 2008, our economy is stuffed in Najeh Davenport's laundry basket, and times are tough for a lot of people. Even in the best of circumstances, it's a little uncomfortable to hear millionaires imploring people who aren't millionaires to spend their money on something like a football game.

Again, it's nothing against Kurt Warner. I get what he's saying. The Cardinals have indeed fought hard for their advantage, and I don't blame him for wanting a home field advantage like teams get in other cities.

But a lot of fans have fought hard for their money, too. And if they can sell a ticket or two that helps them pay for next year's season tickets (or for something way more important), you can't ask them not to do it.

The 1-3 Seattle Seahawks are ranked 22nd in the NFL in total yards per game. They're 28th in the league in passing yards per game (which is downright astounding, given how often the Seahawks are trailing and have to throw to catch up). And they're 27th in total defense, too.

Given these shocking statistics, one might ask themselves, "How the hell did the Seahawks ever win one game?" Answer:  They played the Rams.

And in what might be the worst sign of all, Matt Hasselbeck ranks 28th in the NFL in quarterback rating, slumming at the bottom of the list with Gus Frerotte, JaMarcus Russell, Derek Anderson, and Tyler Thigpen. 

That's embarrassing. Matt Hasselbeck is an excellent player. That the cast around him won't allow him to clearly rise above the level of Tyler Thigpen should have everyone calling in to Dr. Frazier Crane every afternoon looking for personal guidance.

Mike Holmgren is tired of the excuses. He lit up his team yesterday.

“He’s definitely tense, there’s no doubt about that,” quarterback Matt Hasselbeck said in a conference call to reporters in Green Bay. “Mike got up today and really laid into the offense. I mean, he gave it to us hard today.

“That was tough to take.”

It probably was. But not as tough, I'm guessing, as this being your last year has head coach in Seattle and having to look up to find Arizona and San Francisco in the standings. The Seahawks are the worst team in that division. That is, if you don't count the Rams as an NFL franchise, and you probably shouldn't.

This is a Seahawks team picked by some to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. And I know injuries have played a part, and that's unfortunate, but ... against the real NFL teams they've played, they've given up 34 (Buffalo), 33 (San Francisco), and 44 (the Giants) points. It's not all injury responsible for this.

We'll see how they respond this week against Green Bay. It might be a "now or never" sort of proposition for them.

Oh, and I never mention coaching rants without linking to this masterpiece of motivation (naughty language there, but it's delivered in such a precise and appropriate fashion that I consider it an artform). If Mike Holmgren even approached that level, I expect the Seahawks to go on a 7-game winning streak.

The off-field victories keep piling up, Lions fans. First, you got rid of the life-sucking franchise albatross known as Matt Millen, and now, Charles Rogers has to give you $8.5 million back. From mlive.com:

It took nearly three years to get settled, but the Detroit Lions ultimately won their grievance against former receiver Charles Rogers.

Lions chief operating officer Tom Lewand confirmed that than arbitrator ruled in the team's favor and Rogers must repay the Lions about $8.5 million.

Rogers was the second overall pick by Detroit in the