A fellow named Tom Casale used to write for Patriots.com, as well Patriots Football Weekly, the "official newspaper of the New England Patriots" (where he's still listed on the website as a "staff writer").

But he left that gig to write for a gambling website called pregame.com, and he couldn't help but lob a few shots on his way out of Gillette Stadium. Most of it's "this guy is really nice, and this guy is really mean" stuff that I couldn't care less about.

But there is this one tidbit in there that caught my eye (naughty language alert) ... and then made me want to poke that eye out with a pair of dirty chopsticks.

Hold on for this one: I heard from someone who is close to the case that there is a sex tape of Bill Belichick [something you might do to a screen door]ing the married woman he had an affair with. I [kid] you not. The husband who is suing that woman for being unfaithful to him has a tape of his wife and Belichick [enjoying an intimate contact] while the two of them were still married.

I don't even feel like making the requisite "Geez, does Belichick have to videotape everything?" or "Has Jay Glazer seen this one?" jokes.  All I can tell you is that Belichick's smile in that picture now looks much creepier.

I just feel like reading a Dr. Seuss book, watching a Muppet Babies marathon, and taking a nap. I yearn for simpler, cleaner times.

Just for the record, a lot of people in the comments of the pregame.com post (and elsewhere), regard Casale as ... well, not so trustworthy. And the fact that he'd choose to air all of this just as he ends his affiliation with the Patriots does make it seem like he has an axe to grind.

So I think it's extremely unlikely that such a tape exists, and if it does, it's even less likely that it would ever see the light of day. Which is fine with me, because it makes me think of Office Space, where Peter has a dream about Lumbergh with his girlfriend, and ... ick.

Gracias, Barstool Sports.