A lot of things in the NFL could stand some fixing up; for example, the Pro Bowl or the overtime system. One thing we can’t fix, though, is the offseason, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways to make it more tolerable. Today, I present five steps to do so, none of which have any realistic chance of happening.

Step 5: Hand over all NFL disciplinary action to Judge Judy.

I know that everyone’s in love with Roger Goodell’s John Wayne approach to disciplining players, but I honestly think we could hand the reins to Judge Judy and not lose much in the way of stern discipline.

And she adds a sass that the commissioner just doesn’t have. I’m sorry, but you can’t put a price on sass.

We take the same basic format of Judge Judy, but we extend the show to an hour and put it on the NFL Network. The player can be there to argue his side of things, and if they want, the league can send someone to argue for a big, huge suspension. The Judge’s ruling is final, though. No exceptions.

Let’s say her first case is Michael Vick’s,(notes) and she decides that Vick’s paid his debt to society, and will be allowed back into the NFL immediately. Now picture the interview segment immediately after the show, where some out-of-work weatherman interviews the defendent and the plaintiff, and Michael Vick is celebrating his victory, while Roger Goodell stalks around the hallway behind him screaming, “THIS IS BULL!” It would be captivating television.

We’d have the same thing for Plaxico Burress(notes), Donte Stallworth, etc. Really, there’s no reason that these things can’t be settled in one hour. Maybe we could stretch it two, if need be. Justice is swift. Maybe there’s a hotline where fans can call in, and vote for the verdict of their choice.

And afterwards, there’s something to talk about all day long on the NFL Network. It would be a media event, as opposed to just a standard press release from the league. There would be highlights, like when Plax made his tearful apology, and when Judge Judy told Roger Goodell to shut his mouth. It would be perfect.

Chance of this actually happening: 0%

Would improve the offseason by: 21%

Related: NFL Offseason Ideas