November 09, 2010
An anchor on "SportsCenter" Monday night, upon reviewing a highlight starring Chansi Stuckey(notes), expressed a desire to see a list of the top 10 names in the NFL. Shutdown Corner will attempt to accommodate him.
10. T.J. Houshmandzadeh(notes), WR, Baltimore Ravens. We'll kick things off with the man whose name actually inspired a commercial, one that I still hear quoted today. Bonus points: T.J. stands for "Touraj Jeje."
9. A.J. Hawk(notes), LB, Green Bay Packers. Really hard to go wrong with the last name "Hawk." It's ideal for any professional athlete, spy or contract killer. Little-known fact: A.J. is the son of professional arm wrestler Lincoln Hawk.
8. Pat Angerer(notes), LB, Indianapolis Colts. In a perfect world, Pat Angerer would be in the NHL as a 5-foot-7 fourth-line agitator who gives people purple nurples. NFL linebacker works pretty well, too, though.
7. Guy Whimper(notes), OT, Jacksonville Jaguars. Pat Angerer's arch nemesis, on Sundays, you'll usually find Whimper standing in front of an official sniffling and holding back tears after getting called for holding.
6. Matthew Mulligan(notes), TE, New York Jets. Mulligan is the first person to ever make it in the NFL after first being the subject of a series of cartoons in Golf Digest. NFL rules also permit him to have two do-overs per half.
5. Frostee Rucker(notes), DE, Cincinnati Bengals. Your first name comes from a snowman, and your last name has brilliant possibilities for rhyme? You're in the top five, my friend. His transition to a career in rap should be automatic.
[Related: Ten most disappointing NFL teams of 2010]
4. D'Brickashaw Ferguson(notes), OT, New York Jets. Much appreciation for the name "D'Brickashaw" was expressed during Monday night's live blog. Also, as Stephen pointed out in said live blog, if D'Brickashaw had an Irish son, he would have to name him McD'Brickashaw.
3. C.J. Ah You(notes), DE, St. Louis Rams. In an upset, only one man of Samoan descent made the list, but "C.J. Ah You" packs enough awesomeness for 10 names. I have a feeling that some of the less evolved football coaches in Mr. Ah You's life have had some fun with that one.
2. Zoltan Mesko(notes), P, New England Patriots. Another Monday Night Live Blog favorite. Once upon a time, Zoltan was the machine that turned a 13-year-old boy into Tom Hanks, and here he is, punting in the NFL. It's a heartwarming story.
1. Captain Munnerlyn(notes), CB, Carolina Panthers. Feeling equally at home as the recreation director on a Carnival Cruise ship, or chilling out with Klingons on the Enterprise, "Captain Munnerlyn" is nearly the ideal name. My only concern is that his mother will name her next child "Sargeant" and he'll be outranked.
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