The local exotic dancing industry has taken a major blow today, as Pacman Jones is officially packing up his sack of singles and taking it to Dallas.

I talked to one Nashville stripper last night* about Pacman's departure.

"You know that song, There's No Sunshine When She's Gone? This is like the exact opposite of that," said Sugar Melons, a dancer at a local establishment. "There's still plenty of sunshine, but with Adam gone, who'll be here to make it rain?"

She sobbed and douses herself in perfume in lieu of a shower. "Now, I don't know I'm going to make the payments on my brand new jug--er, I mean, put myself through modeling school."

Another local entertainer, Chastity Shorn, said that the Titans could help.

"First of all, I think it's messed up that Pacman has to donate $500,000 dollars to a charity, and the Titans get to pick that charity," she said. "Because you know if Pacman got to choose the charity, he'd choose me and my 17 kids. But you can help, too, Titans. I'm starting an official charity called The Chastity Shorn Foundation For Surgical Procedures That Will Keep Me Defying The Aging Process And That Will Also Prevent Me From Having Any More Children, By Any Means Necessary. That would be a good cause for that $500,000, Titans. Just remember that."

The strippers in Dallas had an altogether different reaction.

"Awww yeah! It's party time up in here. I'mma have to get me a new thong with an extra-elasticized waistband to hold all the money my man Pac is gonna be stuffing in there," said Vixxen LaTushie, who's been working as a "hostess" and "entertainer" in Dallas for more than 14 years.

"I wonder how much I can make in tips while dancing in a bulletproof vest, though," she added before excusing herself to apply a topical cream to an area she described as "itchy."

* No strippers were actually spoken to in the making of this post. It's very hard to contact a stripper at 9:30 in the morning.

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