March 06, 2009
I mentioned it on the podcast this morning, and I'd like to expand further on it here today ... I believe the perfect fit for Terrell Owens is with the Cincinnati Bengals, right alongside Chad Johnson and his great big bag of crazy.
It sounds nuts. And you know what, maybe it is. But if there was ever anything that fit the description "just crazy enough to work," it's this. Hear me out. There's something behind this madness. I can feel it.
I believe that Terrell Owens and his crazy might just cancel out Chad Johnson and his crazy and leave everyone in some wild state of bliss. I know it seems counterintuitive on the surface, but think of it like a flu shot, which is actually a small dose of the flu. Flu shot + Flu = No Flu. Crazy, right?
I've got a number of theories as to why this might work.
1. They might be willing to defer to each other in recognition of the other's immense talent. Chad Johnson has a lot of respect for Terrell Owens. Terrell Owens has a lot of respect for Chad Johnson. It might take a superstar playing opposite them for each of them to finally not care who gets the touches. Maybe crazy wide receivers understand each other. Maybe Chad Johnson is the only person on earth who can see where Terrell Owens is coming from, and vice versa.
2. Maybe they set such a negative example for each other that they both start thinking, "Man, I don't want to act as crazy as that guy," and suddenly, you have two superstars on your team, both acting sane. It's difficult for a man to step outside himself and see how he's acting. But if these guys could both get a close-up look at a team-killing distraction, it might give them some insight into themselves.
3. It would be the ultimate "chip on the shoulder" scenario. Imagine the media reaction if the Bengals actually end up signing Owens. Numerous ESPN personalities would have aneurysms on the air while talking about how this is the dumbest thing any franchise has ever done. There would be shows that don't even talk about sports calling this a bad idea. Jim Cramer would dedicate a half hour to talking about how nuts this is. Rachel Ray would bake a special "The Bengals are morons" cake. Both Owens and Johnson love to prove people wrong, and they'd never get an opportunity as good as this.
And imagine the on-field ramifications if it did work. Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson attacking the same secondary? With Laveraneus Coles working the underneath routes? And Chris Henry as a fourth receiver? Carson Palmer healthy and getting the ball to the open guy? Good luck defending that. Honestly, I don't even think Carson Palmer would be necessary. Ryan Fitzpatrick could be effective with a healthy, motivated and mentally stable Owens, Johnson, Coles and Henry.
And on the subject of Carson Palmer ... yeah, we may have to sacrifice his mental health. If things worked out optimally, he'd be the happiest guy alive. But if they didn't, he'd have mood swings to make a pregnant crack addict blush. One minute, he's thrilled because of his targets, and the next minute, he's suicidal because of who those targets are.
Maybe you even take things one step farther and bring in Mike Martz as offensive coordinator or head coach, and throw the ball 60 times a game. Why the hell not? You play the Ravens and the Steelers twice each, so it's not like you can run it.
And if we're going to ahead and make that hire, I might recommend Dr. Phil as the wide receivers coach, too. Just in case.
What's the worst that could happen? It doesn't work out, it's a miserable locker room, and the Bengals are a laughingstock. So what. This describes most years in the NFL. It's not like there's a great deal to lose here.
Make this happen, Cincinnati Bengals. It might be the only thing that works for Terrell Owens, and it might be the only thing that works for you. Be bold, gentlemen. Be bold.
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